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" I like marriage. The idea. "

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" Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck. "

" The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron. "

" A good actor is someone who knows how to take the part and make it real and make it honest and be effective in it. If it's in a funny movie and, as long as they are cast in an appropriate way, humor will come from it. "

" A day without sunshine is like, you know, night. "

" Every day after school for 10 years, I was on the set of 'Married... with Children,' which is a really funny and perverse place for a little girl in a Catholic school uniform to grow up. "

" I meditate and I also think about meditation. Which is funny. I think about Maharishi, about just the idea of meditating. It gives me something. "

" James Caan told me at the end of filming 'Elf' that he had been waiting through the whole film for me to be funny - and I never was. "

" A man's got to take a lot of punishment to write a really funny book. "

Ernest Hemingway

" He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle. "

Alice Roosevelt Longworth

" A pessimist is a person who has had to listen to too many optimists. "

" The funny thing is, I've never really hurt myself in an action movie. I've done 'Wanted,' 'X-Men,' 'Welcome To The Punch,' even 'Trance' to a certain extent has little bits of action and stuff, but I've never really hurt myself at all - not even like a sprained ankle. "

" It's a funny thing that when a man hasn't anything on earth to worry about, he goes off and gets married. "

" I'm just not one of those naturally funny, relaxed actors who enjoy the spotlight and are so good at it. "

" I was asked to act when I couldn't act. I was asked to sing 'Funny Face' when I couldn't sing, and dance with Fred Astaire when I couldn't dance - and do all kinds of things I wasn't prepared for. Then I tried like mad to cope with it. "

" The ability of writers to imagine what is not the self, to familiarize the strange and mystify the familiar, is the test of their power. "

" TV is chewing gum for the eyes. "

Frank Lloyd Wright

" It's really irritating. Even people who like my work sometimes come up to me and say, 'I usually don't like female comedians, but your material is great!' It makes the job prospect more daunting. Funny is funny, you know? "

Chelsea Peretti

" I thought 'Borat' was a breakthrough comedy, because it was really funny. It wasn't some studio-produced script with 14 writers. "

" There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full. "

Henry Kissinger

" If I studied all my life, I couldn't think up half the number of funny things passed in one session of congress. "

" You see much more of your children once they leave home. "

" If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving. "

" What's funny is I probably still have some calligraphy business cards floating out in the world, and I can't wait for someone to call me in a month or something, and say, 'Can you do these for my son's Bar Mitzvah?' "

" I have only been funny about seventy four per cent of the time. Yes I think that is right. Seventy-four per cent of the time. "

" Censorship no longer works by hiding information from you; censorship works by flooding you with immense amounts of misinformation, of irrelevant information, of funny cat videos, until you're just unable to focus. "

Yuval Noah Harari

" I like children - fried. "

" Every time I do something silly, it comes off really funny because it's natural. "

Shaquille O'Neal

" If you have doubts about someone, lay on a couple of jokes. If he doesn't find anything funny, your radar should be screaming. Then I would say be patient with people who are negative, because they're really having a hard time. "

" Sometimes I think I'm funny. But then sometimes I see myself, and I think, 'There's somebody trying to be funny.' "

" I'm always annoyed about why black people have to bear the brunt of everybody else's contempt. If we are not totally understanding and smiling, suddenly we're demons. "