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" Let's have some new cliches. "

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" I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight. "

" I like being funny; I like laughing with people. "

" I'm sorry, if you were right, I'd agree with you. "

" I don't mean to be funny. "

" I rant, therefore I am. "

" That's my main flaw: I always think authority figures or my boss is going to think something I do is funny. And usually they don't. "

" A good actor is someone who knows how to take the part and make it real and make it honest and be effective in it. If it's in a funny movie and, as long as they are cast in an appropriate way, humor will come from it. "

" Life is hard. After all, it kills you. "

Katharine Hepburn

" The reward of energy, enterprise and thrift is taxes. "

William Feather

" There are so many funny women in the world, and there has been for so many years, so I'll be happy when people can just move on from that, and things can just be 'comedies' and not 'female' or 'male,' and everyone gets an equal opportunity. "

" My mother was a very, very funny, outrageous, outspoken person, and she never edited me. Her whole thing in my life was if anybody had a problem with me, tell them to go to hell. "

" I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her. "

Rodney Dangerfield

" Everybody complains about getting older, but I find it such a rich time of life. There are negative things about it, I suppose, but more than that, I'm finding it to be a very positive experience in which growth suggests itself in a much more alluring way than it did when I was young - isn't that funny? "

" The first thing I ever got my hands on was Andy Griffith's 'What It Was, Was Football.' I was fascinated with the fact that every syllable made it funny, and I would laugh even though I didn't know what any of it meant. "

" The one thing you shouldn't do is try to tell a cab driver how to get somewhere. "

" I've always surrounded myself with funny people. "

" I have never been hurt by what I have not said. "

Calvin Coolidge

" I wear a necklace, cause I wanna know when I'm upside down. "

" Progress is man's ability to complicate simplicity. "

" Lead us not into temptation. Just tell us where it is; we'll find it. "

" There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full. "

Henry Kissinger

" There's only one true superpower amongst human beings, and that is being funny. People treat you differently if you can make them laugh. "

" Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life. "

" My hope is that we can spread the word: Wonder Woman is not some unapproachable goddess. She's funny, dangerous, intimidating, brilliant, and compassionate. In many ways, I think she's the most human superheroine there is. "

" We need two kinds of acquaintances, one to complain to, while to the others we boast. "

Logan Pearsall Smith

" Include me out. "

" He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle. "

Alice Roosevelt Longworth

" You meet folks who are funny and really smart and persistent and loving that are confronting this thing we call poverty, which is just a shorthand for this way of life that holds you underwater. And you just wonder what our country would be if we allowed these people to flourish and reach their full potential. "

Matthew Desmond

" I'm a misplaced American, but don't know where I was misplaced. "

" What's another word for Thesaurus? "