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" We are all born mad. Some remain so. "

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" There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full. "

Henry Kissinger

" Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely. "

" Progress is man's ability to complicate simplicity. "

" There's a great power in words, if you don't hitch too many of them together. "

" I'm not saying that I'm on some crusade to change people's minds. I'm just doing what I do. I'm a comedian, I'm trying to be funny... I think when they see a comedy show with an Iranian and an Egyptian and two Palestinians, I think they go, 'Oh wow, these guys are just like us.' "

" Being funny wasn't a career choice growing up, it was my way out of situations; a way to survive another day. "

" When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say. "

" It's funny; recently I've started to notice people's impersonations of me, and it's basically like a hyperactive child. "

" I grew up in Europe, where the history comes from. "

" My parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles were all funny, and I felt that energy, that delivery, that timing, that sarcasm. All that stuff seeped into my brain. "

" She was a handsome woman of forty-five and would remain so for many years. "

J. B. Priestley

" I do come across people who don't like me, don't like my comedy, don't think it's funny, it's too cutesy, or whatever they hate. And it's like, 'Okay. That's your opinion. Somebody liked it, so that's good.' Hopefully it balances out. "

" I know that I'm going to die and that you're going to die. I can't do anything about that. But I can explore it through a metaphor and make a kind of funny, dark story about it, and in doing so, really exhaust and research as many aspects of it as I can imagine. And in a way, that does give me some closure. "

Chuck Palahniuk

" Words are all we have. "

" People say that life is the thing, but I prefer reading. "

Logan Pearsall Smith

" Weather forecast for tonight: dark. "

" Being funny with a funny voice is more my comfort zone, a broader character that I try to humanize, a kind of silly or wacky persona that I try to fill in. "

" Where I am, I don't know, I'll never know, in the silence you don't know, you must go on, I can't go on, I'll go on. "

" I failed to make the chess team because of my height. "

" I thought 'Borat' was a breakthrough comedy, because it was really funny. It wasn't some studio-produced script with 14 writers. "

" My father would take me to the playground, and put me on mood swings. "

" I think you figure out how to be funny by necessity. It's not a natural thing, being funny in the face of tragedy is kind of demented. "

" At the end of the day it's got to be a good movie, it's got to be a funny movie, and it's got to make people think, 'Hey, I couldn't have spent my time any better.' "

" I'm attracted to women who are smart and funny and ambitious and have lives of their own and great families. Isn't that what attracts anyone? "

" Life goes by fast. Enjoy it. Calm down. It's all funny. Next. Everyone gets so upset about the wrong things. "

" I get a stack of scripts, like, once a month, and most of the time, you find these placeholder girls that are there to provide a bounce for the male character. So we know he's funny because she's serious and she's mad at him. We know he's strong because she needs saving. So really, her job is to validate this personality trait of our hero or male. "

" A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live. "

" If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners. "

" My theory is that all of Scottish cuisine is based on a dare. "

" I own and operate a ferocious ego. "