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" I was 28 when my father died, and I was an only child. "

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" I don't like to compare myself with anybody. "

" To me, the stand up part in my life is great. I know I can do that. When I get an acting chance, I'm really thrilled. "

" I enjoy mixed audiences, not one particular group. Short, tall, scientists, Jews, gentiles, whatever, as long as they breathe and like to laugh. "

" I'm not one of those guys who wants to die on a stage. "

" I never went out looking for glory. "

" You know how a fighter always comes into the dressing room way before a fight? That's me - I'm like a fighter. "

" Bob Newhart, who is my best friend, is one of the guys I adore. "

" I don't say I was the first, because, who knows, maybe there was a guy out in Minnesota doing it before me. "

" I think if I took therapy, the doctor would quit. He'd just pick up the couch and walk out of the room. "

" To my knowledge, I was the first guy really to do what I do. And then later on different comedians started trying doing it. "

" I don't care if the average guy on the street really knows what I'm like, as long as he knows I'm not really a mean, vicious guy. My friends and family know what I'm really like. That's what's important. "

Friends And Family

" I stopped smoking. But my personality I still have. I get up in the morning, and not everybody loves me, so if you want to call that a bad habit, there's that. "

" Half the battle is that people have to like you before you say one joke, one bit of humor. "

" Asians are nice people, but they burn a lot of shirts. "

" They always use the word 'insult' with me, but I don't hurt anybody. I wouldn't be sitting here if I did. I make fun of everybody and exaggerate all our insecurities. "

" Famous people are deceptive. Deep down, they're just regular people. Like Larry King. We've been friends for forty years. He's one of the few guys I know who's really famous. One minute he's talking to the president on his cell phone, and then the next minute he's saying to me, 'Do you think we ought to give the waiter another dollar?' "

" My mother was a Jewish General Patton. "

" Whatever you do to gain success, you have to hang in there and hope good things happen. Always think positive. "

" I used to work over a bar. That was - there was no stage. I stood over a tiny bar. Louis Prima, rest his soul, he worked there. I was the guy that filled in when he was off the stage. "

" You know what's funny to me? Attitude. "

" Las Vegas is the boiling pot of entertainment. "

" In our day we went from - we went into saloons. We couldn't cross over like you can today, get a television series and all of a sudden you're a major movie star, you know. "

" I've been to Philadelphia a lot of times over the years, playing the old Celebrity Room and most of the other clubs around there that don't exist anymore. "

" It's very sweet to have people say nice things about you, and I always accept that. "

" I did a few movies, but the word 'star'... I cannot compare to a star like Clint Eastwood. I used to call Clint 'Larry Dickman' when he would come to my show; then, he started using the name when he would go under cover in a 'Dirty Harry' movie. That's why he's a movie star... he's so creative. "

" Don't call me 'sir; 'King Jew' will do fine. "

" My life was in Montreal years ago. Best food in the world. "

" Show business is my life. When I was a kid I sold insurance, but nobody laughed. "

" I exaggerate all our selves, our beings. I make fun of everything: of our life and what we are. But I don't tell jokes, really. I just exaggerate life, and it comes out funny. "

" I was always the guy who made jokes and ribbed people at parties. After I went to the American Academy of Dramatic Arts I got sidetracked into clubs and started doing comedy. "