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" I never went out looking for glory. "

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" There's a difference between an actual insult and a friendly jab. So I don't think I'm offensive onstage. "

" In the 45 years I've worked in casinos, I dreamed of being honored by an organization like the American Gaming Association, especially since I don't even have a hunting license. "

" When I'm onstage, I'm acting. "

" Compared to what comics say today, I'm a monk, but in those days, it was unheard of to make fun of people like I did. Of course, they exaggerated how outrageous I really was. "

" To this day, when I say that I went to the American Academy, people are very impressed. The reputation of the school has always been fantastic. "

" My life was in Montreal years ago. Best food in the world. "

" They always use the word 'insult' with me, but I don't hurt anybody. I wouldn't be sitting here if I did. I make fun of everybody and exaggerate all our insecurities. "

" I have no idea what I'm going to say when I stand up to give a toast. But I do know that anything I say I find funny. "

" Political correctness? In my humor, I never talk about politics. I was never much into all that. "

" You lose your energy, you lose that excitement and it gets the audience up. "

" Why should I retire? I'm like a fighter. The bell rings, and you come out and fight. "

" I enjoy mixed audiences, not one particular group. Short, tall, scientists, Jews, gentiles, whatever, as long as they breathe and like to laugh. "

" Johnny Carson was a big influence on me - all of those shows I did with him over the years, like, 100 of them, they made a bit of a name for me at the time, so that part of my life was very good. "

" I don't drink much anymore, but when I traveled with Frank Sinatra, God rest his soul, I used to drink like I could do it. He made it a test. In Vegas, the Rat Pack, which I was a little part of, drank all night and slept most of the day. Then, about 5 o'clock, we'd meet in the hotel steam room, lock the door, and steam our brains out. "

" My mother was a Jewish General Patton. "

" Among my friends, I'm not a little Boy Scout, and they love my humor, thank God. "

" I want to be a dog, but I'm a pussycat. "

" I did a picture 40 years ago with Carroll O'Connor and Telly Savalas, God rest their souls, and Clint Eastwood, called 'Kelly's Heroes,' which we filmed in Yugoslavia for six months. "

" I'm not one of those guys who wants to die on a stage. "

" I told jokes badly. "

" I always say, when you're onstage you can't please everybody. I'm sure there are people who may not take to what I do, but that's okay. Thank God the majority are in my corner. "

" Johnny Carson was king of the kings, in my opinion. "

" I can get an audience screaming in Las Vegas and say, 'Barbara, that was a great show,' and she'll say, 'Would you please hurry up? We have dinner reservations at 9:30.' "

" When I was a younger guy doing comedy, it was a big struggle. Promoters canceled me out of clubs left and right when I called somebody a dummy or a yo-yo. Then they realized I was different. "

" I used to play golf. I wanted to be a better player, but after a while, I realized I'd always stink. And that's when I really started to enjoy the game. "

" Compared to what some of the young comics use for material today, I'm a priest. "

" You throw your best punch, otherwise don't do it. "

" Yeah, I make fun of blacks, and why not? I'm not a black. "

" One thing a comedian does, when you step on the stage, you're selling yourself, and certainly I don't think the whole world can love you. But if you can get the majority on your side, you're really in business. "

" After over 50 years of headlining, I've been received very beautifully. But I always say, when you're onstage, you can't please everybody. I'm sure there are people who may not take to what I do, but that's OK. "