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" To me, the stand up part in my life is great. I know I can do that. When I get an acting chance, I'm really thrilled. "

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" I have to have energy because I have a lot of expenses. A couple of cars, couple of dogs and a big estate. "

" I was a big shot in high school - big into social events and at the dramatic society - and I always had trouble in school. Not because I was a dummy, but I was always busy being the Jackson Heights clown. "

" Herb Solo at that time was the head of MGM. I said, 'I want to live like Clint Eastwood.' Did I know at that time Clint Eastwood, to him, Heaven was a truck, a dog, and a picnic basket for food or something? "

" It's very sweet to have people say nice things about you, and I always accept that. "

" Frank Sinatra. Hey, Frank, I saw you in 'The Pride and Passion,' and I want to tell you the cannon was wonderful! "

" My life was in Montreal years ago. Best food in the world. "

" You got to have a lot of courage. Secondly, whatever it is you're doing, you have to believe in it wholeheartedly. Thirdly, you have to be able to stand up in front of people and know that they'll laugh. "

" Some people call me a legend and the last of the greats, and I appreciate it. "

" I write my own tweets. "

" Ninety percent of the people who come to see me are my fans. "

" When you enter a room, you have to kiss his ring. I don't mind, but he has it in his back pocket. "

" Many, many years ago, I stood on the stage and told bad jokes and did Sophie Tucker as an impersonation, and nobody looked up; and suddenly, I looked down and said, 'Sir, I'm getting fed up with you. Either you watch, or I'm going to suck your neck,' or words to that effect, and suddenly people started to laugh. "

" They always use the word 'insult' with me, but I don't hurt anybody. I wouldn't be sitting here if I did. I make fun of everybody and exaggerate all our insecurities. "

" I don't like to compare myself with anybody. "

" Don't call me 'sir; 'King Jew' will do fine. "

" Among my friends, I'm not a little Boy Scout, and they love my humor, thank God. "

" I don't drink much anymore, but when I traveled with Frank Sinatra, God rest his soul, I used to drink like I could do it. He made it a test. In Vegas, the Rat Pack, which I was a little part of, drank all night and slept most of the day. Then, about 5 o'clock, we'd meet in the hotel steam room, lock the door, and steam our brains out. "

" I still have drive, but everything is relative. "

" I've got an accountant who's been with me forty years. If he makes a mistake, he dies. "

" I don't have regrets. I've never sat here and thought, 'Gee, if only I'd done 'The Man Who Came to Dinner' on Broadway, I would have been happier.' "

" I have a wonderful road manager, and he travels with me. And my valet and friend travels with me. My little entourage is great, and they take good care of me. "

" You know what's funny to me? Attitude. "

" Most people think the character I do onstage is the way I am offstage, but I'm just a regular guy who spends time with his family and who turns on the television and watches a lot of sports. "

" I shouldn't make fun of the blacks: President Obama is a personal friend of mine. He was over to the house yesterday, but the mop broke. "

" I don't walk into a dinner party and say, 'You're an idiot; give me my coat.' "

" An 'insult comic' is the title I was given. What I do is exaggeration. I make fun of people, at life, of myself and my surroundings. "

" If something strikes me as funny, I'll put it in my performance. "

" Well, I call myself an actor. I always wanted to be one. "

" Even when I was in high school and the Navy, I was the guy who could rip somebody, and they'd laugh at it. "

" Political correctness? In my humor, I never talk about politics. I was never much into all that. "