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" My life was in Montreal years ago. Best food in the world. "

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" I enjoy mixed audiences, not one particular group. Short, tall, scientists, Jews, gentiles, whatever, as long as they breathe and like to laugh. "

" If I have learned anything, it is to keep my wife happy by sending her lavish gifts. Other men can learn from my success and send their wives and girlfriends fresh flowers for birthdays, anniversaries, and of course, Valentine's Day. "

" My wife is great. She always goes to the bank to see if the check has cleared. "

" I do situations and make fun of authority and life. "

" An 'insult comic' is the title I was given. What I do is exaggeration. I make fun of people, at life, of myself and my surroundings. "

" I used to play golf. I wanted to be a better player, but after a while, I realized I'd always stink. And that's when I really started to enjoy the game. "

" Compared to what comics say today, I'm a monk, but in those days, it was unheard of to make fun of people like I did. Of course, they exaggerated how outrageous I really was. "

" Political correctness? In my humor, I never talk about politics. I was never much into all that. "

" When you do comedy, you can't please the world, although I'd like to think that most of my audiences were on my side. "

" You throw your best punch, otherwise don't do it. "

" Diana Krall I met in, I think it was Canada. She's a lovely lady. Her husband, Elvis Costello, is a great star. "

" I've been to Philadelphia a lot of times over the years, playing the old Celebrity Room and most of the other clubs around there that don't exist anymore. "

" Half the battle is that people have to like you before you say one joke, one bit of humor. "

" I busted my bird for 60 years in the business, but my grandkids only know me as Mr. Potato Head. "

" I shouldn't make fun of the blacks: President Obama is a personal friend of mine. He was over to the house yesterday, but the mop broke. "

" I'm very shy so I became very outgoing to protect my shyness. "

" When you stand alone and sell yourself, you can't please everyone. But when you're different, you can last. "

" I'd like to think my performance is today. I never try to - it's so, as you know, watching me, I have a beginning, middle and ending. But every night the show changes and I relate to an audience and I relate to the young people. "

" There's a difference between an actual insult and a friendly jab. So I don't think I'm offensive onstage. "

" Everything I've ever done in my whole career, people might not know, I've never written anything down on paper. "

" Girls were scared of me because I can be loud. Barbara, my wife of 51 years, is very low-key. She was my picture agent's secretary. "

" I say things I get away with, and it becomes a joke. "

" I ride a recumbent bike for half an hour every day. "

" When you enter a room, you have to kiss his ring. I don't mind, but he has it in his back pocket. "

" So, I'm on the satellite every Sunday, no matter where we are, with the Rams. Turn on the satellite; got to watch the Rams. "

" I don't drink much anymore, but when I traveled with Frank Sinatra, God rest his soul, I used to drink like I could do it. He made it a test. In Vegas, the Rat Pack, which I was a little part of, drank all night and slept most of the day. Then, about 5 o'clock, we'd meet in the hotel steam room, lock the door, and steam our brains out. "

" No matter where you go in this world, you will always find a Jew sitting in the beach chair next to you. "

" My grandchildren just know me now as Mr. Potato Head. "

" Herb Solo at that time was the head of MGM. I said, 'I want to live like Clint Eastwood.' Did I know at that time Clint Eastwood, to him, Heaven was a truck, a dog, and a picnic basket for food or something? "

" What keeps me going is that young people still want to see me. "