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" There are some people who watch NASCAR for the highly skilled driving - but most people watch it for the crashes. "

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" Stand-up, for me, is really more of an addiction, so you have to feed the beast whenever you can. "

" I would hate to meet myself at 15. "

" I realize how desperate it sounds for me, as a comedian, to ask you to laugh at my jokes. "

" There is an inherent hope and positive drive to New Yorkers. "

" The British press are a group of unremitting scumbags. And sometimes they use that scumbaggery to good ends, and often not. "

" I get nostalgic for British negativity. There is an inherent hope and positive drive to New Yorkers. When you go back to Britain, everybody is just running everything down. It's like whatever the opposite of a hug is. "

" There are two kinds of hecklers: the destructive and constructive hecklers. "

" If I wanted to take a more activist or journalistic slant in work, I should probably just go be an activist or a journalist. But I'm happy being a comedian. "

" There is no greater anesthetic than sport. "

" My family is from Liverpool, so I have some of those vowel sounds, I've got the slack tone of someone from Birmingham, and then I was raised in Bedford, which is just north of London. So my accent, if it's possible, makes even less sense to a Brit than to an American. "

" The British media is sinking down, as the American news media has lowered the bar for all of humanity. British news media is definitely trying to stoop down to that level. Everyone is stooping to the lowest common denominator. "

" Attending a Sarah Palin rally was simultaneously one of the strangest and most chilling events of my life. "

" There are so many low points with stand-up. You are perpetually humiliated, so it doesn't really matter anymore. I don't have any dignity left to lose. An audience can't hurt you anymore when you've been completely dismantled. "

" I'm not really much of an actor, so when I started on 'The Daily Show,' I was just trying to adopt the faux authority of a newsperson. Having a British accent definitely gave me a sonic leg up on that because there is a faux authority to the British accent in and of itself. "

" Here in America, people come out to see what they've known you to do. In England, it's like everyone comes out to tell you exactly how well they think you're doing. "

" I'm British, so obviously I repress any powerful emotions of any kind in relation to anything. "

" A Southern accent is not a club in my bag. "

" I would never heckle someone. That's why I think I'm so interested in someone that would. "

" Being a Mets fan is like lending someone a lot of money and you just know that you'll never get paid back. "

" People really have come for a dialogue when they go to a stand-up show in the U.K. They say, 'I understand that you have now finished your little comedy monologue; now I have something to say regarding what I've just heard. "

" Armando Iannucci is one of my heroes. As I was growing up, he was probably the most influential comic voice that I had. "

" You can write jokes at any point of the day. Jokes are not that hard to write, or they shouldn't be when it is literally your job. "

" If you work on a comedy show, your basic form of communication is teasing. That's generally how we speak to each other: you communicate the information between the lines of insulting sentences. "

" I do one accent - my own. I can make it louder or quieter. That is the sum total of my vocal range. I thought I could do an American accent until I tried it in front of an American - the expression of horror is still burnt onto my retinas. "

" My family are from Liverpool, so I have some twang there - I have a Midlands accent, and I was raised about an hour north of London, so my voice is a mess. Although, to American ears, it sounds like the crisp language of a queen's butler. "

" I watch one news channel until my soul can't take it anymore. It's the background of my life. "

" Australia turns out to be a sensational place, albeit one of the most comfortably racist places I've ever been in. They've really settled into their intolerance like an old resentful slipper. "

" Sometimes it's good to remember how bad food can be, so you can enjoy the concept of flavour to the fullest. "

" I feel non-stop Brit shame! "

" The moment I accept that there's an artistic, redeeming quality in puns, I have a horrible feeling I'll get hooked. "