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" Biographies are but the clothes and buttons of the man. The biography of the man himself cannot be written. "

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" The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up. "

" Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about. "

" The rule is perfect: in all matters of opinion our adversaries are insane. "

" It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either of them. "

" Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please. "

" I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week sometimes to make it up. "

" Work is a necessary evil to be avoided. "

" Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen. "

" When red-haired people are above a certain social grade their hair is auburn. "

" Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society. "

" All emotion is involuntary when genuine. "

" Many a small thing has been made large by the right kind of advertising. "

" In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards. "

" The man who is a pessimist before 48 knows too much; if he is an optimist after it, he knows too little. "

" When people do not respect us we are sharply offended; yet in his private heart no man much respects himself. "

" There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist. "

" Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see. "

" Do not tell fish stories where the people know you; but particularly, don't tell them where they know the fish. "

" Principles have no real force except when one is well-fed. "

" Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company. "

" Humor must not professedly teach and it must not professedly preach, but it must do both if it would live forever. "

" Patriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserves it. "

" Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education. "

College Education

" If it's your job to eat a frog, it's best to do it first thing in the morning. And If it's your job to eat two frogs, it's best to eat the biggest one first. "

" The right word may be effective, but no word was ever as effective as a rightly timed pause. "

" If the world comes to an end, I want to be in Cincinnati. Everything comes there ten years later. "

" Part of the secret of a success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside. "

" A person who won't read has no advantage over one who can't read. "

" Never pick a fight with people who buy ink by the barrel. "

" Loyalty to the Nation all the time, loyalty to the Government when it deserves it. "