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" Is it really that important? It's just television, for God's sake. It's not medicine or something. "

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" I do a show. It comes on late at night on TV. And if that means I'm a late-night talk show host, then I guess I am, but in every other regard I resign my commission, I don't care for it. "

" It's not that we fly by the seat of our pants. We're not afraid of failure. "

" I think that clearly it has an influence, to be coming of age during the punk rock era, to come from a difficult and sporadically violent background, to have been in and out of such chaos, I think it actually helps. But I don't know for sure. "

" I got sober. I stopped killing myself with alcohol. I began to think: 'Wait a minute - if I can stop doing this, what are the possibilities?' And slowly it dawned on me that it was maybe worth the risk. "

" I aim to please. I'm nothing if not a vaudevillian. "

" A friend of mine that I was in a band with started me on Kafka, which in turn led to Camus and Sartre. "

" For me, comedy should have a certain amount of joy in it. It should be about attacking the powerful - the politicians, the Trumps, the blowhards - going after them. We shouldn't be attacking the vulnerable. "

" The wedding took place in Vermont, where they have legalized gay civil unions, and I married a woman. "

" I don't know now if I'm funny. I just keep talking and hope that I hit something that's funny. "

" You know, your whole life you're concerned about money for this and that. And then you don't have to worry about it, so you worry about other stuff. "

" I don't see my show as a stepping stone to something else like some people, who get a job then have a foot out the door looking for their next job. "

" All they teach you in drama school is how to do stage fights and be a pain in rehearsals. "

" It's very interesting to know what people are doing while you're working on late-night television. "

" A lot of people come to L.A. looking for something. What I came here for, I realize now, is to be okay with myself. "

" I don't get emails from my corporate overlords. "

" If we are now holding late-night talk-show hosts to the same moral accountability as we hold politicians or clergymen, I'm out. I'm gone. "

" I think comedy comes more from a low sense of self-esteem, and I certainly have that. "

" I'm crazy. I know I'm crazy 'cause Desmond Tutu told me, and he's very clever. He said, 'You must free yourself, be more of who you are. Be more crazy.' And I'm going to. "

" Don't ever rope me in as a late-night talk show host. I don't want to be one. "

" I proved to my own satisfaction that I am madder than I think. "

" It's like, it's kind of like if you ever had a car and it was a bit of a clunker but you love it, that's my show. It's a bit of a clunker but I know where everything is and I like it. "

" I try and live my life in bite-size chunks. "

" I used to psych myself up before the show and now I do the complete opposite: I psych myself down. It's 12:30 at night, you don't want some guy yelling at you. You want some guy just talking to you. "

" I have to do a show which is of interest to me, or else I'm lost. "

" They were singing, Gillette, the best a man can get, with a lot of guys hugging their fathers and sailing and riding bikes. I suddenly felt a long way from the best a man could get and I thought it would be nice to get from there to the best. "

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" I dropped out of high school when I was 16, after I had a huge argument with my English teacher over the meaning of the word 'existentialism.' "

" Historically, when Americans don't know what to do next, they go to Paris. Benjamin Franklin is like: 'What am I going to do now? I'll go to Paris!' "