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" It's a funny thing that when a man hasn't anything on earth to worry about, he goes off and gets married. "

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" Space ails us moderns: we are sick with space. "

" Believe it or not, I make myself laugh. Sometimes when I have thoughts or say some things that are funny, it just makes me laugh, and I don't mind laughing at it before you guys do. "

" A pessimist is a person who has had to listen to too many optimists. "

" I heard that people were really interested in the new haircut, which I think is so funny. Great haircut, I really like it. It goes great with the time period. And I was super, super, super-happy to have my bangs swept to the side rather than straight in front of me, which I dealt with for three seasons. I'm very, very much done with that. "

" It's funny how you never think about the women you've had. It's always the ones who get away that you can't forget. "

Chuck Palahniuk

" A successful lawsuit is the one worn by a policeman. "

" A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. "

" It is funny to me that because I can run, because I'm athletic, people tend to see that as my only asset. "

Colin Kaepernick

" It's funny, because I have periods where I just kind of go dark. I don't tweet, I don't talk, I don't interview, and then I have times where I do. "

Lance Armstrong

" Stand up is really fun because if I think of a joke or a funny idea, then I can just go and tell some people and if they laugh, they laugh right away. "

" I think that 'Hangover II' is as funny as 'The Hangover I,' honest to God, but I think that it's a little bit darker, and the stakes are a little bit higher. "

" I am a writer of books in retrospect. I talk in order to understand; I teach in order to learn. "

" If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question? "

" I'm an unorthodox type of guy, a funny guy - at least I think I'm funny. And one of the things I like to do is come up with nicknames for myself. "

Shaquille O'Neal

" Because death and illness are the most horrible things in life, of course that's where the most absurdly funny things are going to happen. "

" I see fighters make funny videos about me and stick them on Facebook and get 20 likes. When I make a video, I sell it to Fox and make seven figures. That's the difference. "

" I'm like, bursting. I should be working. I don't want to take a break. It's funny, on set, I don't have to go to the bathroom, I don't have anything wrong, I'm perfectly fine, so through-and-through. I'm not hungry. I'm literally not even in my own body. "

Kristen Stewart

" I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known. "

" So, where's the Cannes Film Festival being held this year? "

Christina Aguilera

" When a dramatic actor does a funny film, people are like, 'Wonderful! I didn't know he was funny!' But when it flips, people can get really thrown by it. "

" It's such a funny thing when you see your daughter transitioning from your baby, your little girl, to suddenly being a young woman. If you're not really looking for it, you can miss it, and Lily-Rose is on that road already, and there's nothing I can do to stop it. "

" I like marriage. The idea. "

" Some people say funny things, but I say things funny. "

" Home is the place where, when you have to go there, they have to take you in. "

" I try to be funny and not ignorant. "

" There's a darkness under 'The Hangover' because ultimately there's a missing person and it's not really that funny. There's a sort of darkness under it that I love, and still people are laughing as hard if not harder than they did in 'Old School.' "

" Do you know, it's funny, but I never thought of being blind as a disadvantage, and I never thought of being black as a disadvantage. "

" A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live. "

" I can really stir up a conversation. Every time I go to a meeting or a casting, I try to make it as light and funny as I can. I'm always making really awkward jokes. You have to make life fun and not take it too seriously. I may look like I'm very serious and into my work, but if you knew me, I'm just a jokester. "

Charlotte McKinney

" It's funny; it's a real balancing act. In TV, everybody's talking about authenticity. In order to make 'Dirty Jobs' authentic, I really can't be overly informed. The minute I am, I become a host... It's a very tricky business paying a tribute to work, because TV is very bad at it. "