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" It's funny how you never think about the women you've had. It's always the ones who get away that you can't forget. "
Chuck Palahniuk
Women
Think
Always
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" I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party. "
Ron White
Party
You
Find
" Chris Hemsworth is like Christopher Reeve in that he can do two things: he can wear a big red cape without a shred of self-consciousness. But he's also funny as hell, and he's so sweet. So with all the fish-out-of-water stuff, he's so funny. So he does almost two jobs in a way. "
Tom Hiddleston
Funny
Sweet
Hell
" I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house. "
Zsa Zsa Gabor
I Am
Man
Time
" I exaggerate all our selves, our beings. I make fun of everything: of our life and what we are. But I don't tell jokes, really. I just exaggerate life, and it comes out funny. "
Don Rickles
Everything
Life
Out
" Men want to make the best use of time and want to see how something can inform them and give them a stronger sense of power. "
Chuck Palahniuk
Stronger
Power
Men
" It's funny: people who meet me say, 'I thought you'd be different.' But I'm still the same guy. "
Bill Engvall
People
Be Different
Funny
" The inspiration for my Vines comes from thinking about funny and relatable experiences from my daily life. "
Lele Pons
Life
Daily
Thinking
" Too much agreement kills a chat. "
Eldridge Cleaver
Agreement
Chat
Funny
" In 'Diary,' the motto really is: 'Where Do You Get Your Inspiration?' It coaches us to be aware of our motives and not just be a reaction to the circumstances around us. "
Chuck Palahniuk
You
Motto
Inspiration
" When I first read the story 'Guts' in workshop - my fellow writers that I've been meeting with for almost 20 years - they laughed; they didn't have any kind of shock reaction. "
Chuck Palahniuk
Story
Years
Kind
" My grandfather was hit over the head by a crane boom in Seattle. Some of the family claimed he was never a violent, crazy person before that. Some say he was. It depends who you believe. "
Chuck Palahniuk
Crazy
Believe
You
" As I get older, all sorts of things become less funny. Once one has children, any cruelty involving children becomes far less amusing than when one was at the mercy of one's friends' and relatives' children. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Friends
Mercy
Children
" I'm trying to make order out of chaos, trying to find some way of rationalising the horrific things that people do or the way the world is. "
Chuck Palahniuk
Trying
Find
Chaos
" The reason there are two senators for each state is so that one can be the designated driver. "
Jay Leno
Two
Senators
Driver
" I'm attracted to women who are smart and funny and ambitious and have lives of their own and great families. Isn't that what attracts anyone? "
Tom Brady
Own
Smart
Great
" I like bowling. I suck at it, but I like it. You know what's so funny? I have days when I'm absolutely great at doing it, and then I have days when I just don't understand it. "
Lil' Kim
You
Doing
Funny
" While writing, I tend to repeat the same song, endlessly, for thousands of times. This helps me ignore any lyrics, and helps create a consistent mood for each book. "
Chuck Palahniuk
Ignore
Book
Create
" The best fights don't occur between strangers. They occur between friends who trust each other. "
Chuck Palahniuk
Strangers
Best
Other
" If two wrongs don't make a right, try three. "
Laurence J. Peter
Try
Two
Three
" I love comedians that dive into politics. I personally don't feel comfortable, with my background, weighing in unless I have a take that I think is funny enough that I would put it in front of an audience. "
John Mulaney
Funny
Politics
Think
" Being lonely is not a bad thing for a writer. "
Chuck Palahniuk
Bad
Being
Lonely
" I don't say things to be offensive; I say things because they're funny to me. It amuses me. "
Marilyn Manson
Funny
Because
Me
" You are not just a funny person or just a journalist. Most people are hybrids of having a smart opinion and a great sense of humor. "
Katie Nolan
People
Funny
Humor
" I'm never afraid to try something if I think it's funny. And I know I'll regret it if I don't. "
Seann William Scott
Regret
Know
Think
" I'm probably not very funny. The scripts just don't come in, or the ones that do aren't that good. I suppose I'm just an old drama queen, really. "
Ray Winstone
Queen
Old
Just
" Isn't it funny how babies laugh a lot? I read a toddler, a young child laughs 300 times a day. The average adult laughs, like, four times a day. God put it in them. He put the laugh in us, but I think sometimes we let life get us down, you know, have bad breaks, and we lose our breaks. "
Joel Osteen
God
Day
Life
" I have a memory like an elephant. I remember every elephant I've ever met. "
Herb Caen
Funny
Elephant
Remember
" Keep your sense of humor, my friend; if you don't have a sense of humor it just isn't funny anymore. "
Wavy Gravy
Friend
Keep
You
" The funny thing about having all this so-called success is that behind it is a certain horrible emptiness. "
Sam Shepard
Success
Success Is
Emptiness
" Everybody complains about getting older, but I find it such a rich time of life. There are negative things about it, I suppose, but more than that, I'm finding it to be a very positive experience in which growth suggests itself in a much more alluring way than it did when I was young - isn't that funny? "
Elizabeth Berg
Funny
Positive
Growth