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" I try to be funny and not ignorant. "

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" I grew up in a funny way. "

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" The funny thing is, all my friends are short. I wasn't aware of tall people till I got to high school. I didn't know they existed. I was sheltered. "

" They say marriages are made in Heaven. But so is thunder and lightning. "

" I'm a funny person, but I take my music seriously. "

" My uncle Sammy was an angry man. He had printed on his tombstone: What are you looking at? "

" 'Copper' is my first period piece. It's funny because I've been doing a lot of episodes of 'Elementary' with Johnny Lee Miller and Lucy Liu; they keep bringing me back on the show, and so I go from being an outstanding black doctor to being a kind of hood, ex-car thief who went through rehab in 'Elementary.' "

" If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late. "

" I rant, therefore I am. "

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" Personally, I feel like I'm trying to redefine what a really good rapper can be like. Like, I think it's not often where a good rapper can be making funny music. "

" I know the nature of comedy, and you never know what will happen with the next movie or whether people will find it funny. "

" The funny thing about the people I don't like - they're very self-centered. "

" When you're coming up with new material, it's not always gonna be good. The only way to learn is for it not to get a laugh, so you can adjust it and come back the next day to see if it's working right. Next time, you might get a different laugh. You're constantly rebuilding. "

" No man wants to settle down. It happens. Eventually you're going to bump into somebody that makes you go, 'Hmm, I don't mind seeing this person every day.' "

" I am blessed with a funny gene that makes me enjoy life. "

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Jean de la Bruyere

" I was born in very sorry circumstances. Both of my parents were very sorry. "

" I see fighters make funny videos about me and stick them on Facebook and get 20 likes. When I make a video, I sell it to Fox and make seven figures. That's the difference. "

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" You meet folks who are funny and really smart and persistent and loving that are confronting this thing we call poverty, which is just a shorthand for this way of life that holds you underwater. And you just wonder what our country would be if we allowed these people to flourish and reach their full potential. "

Matthew Desmond

" A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree. "

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" Gambling: The sure way of getting nothing for something. "

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Hunter S. Thompson

" I've been known to preach. "

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Generalizations

" Comedy is surprises, so if you're intending to make somebody laugh and they don't laugh, that's funny. "