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" I see fighters make funny videos about me and stick them on Facebook and get 20 likes. When I make a video, I sell it to Fox and make seven figures. That's the difference. "
Conor McGregor
Me
See
Difference
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" Never fight an inanimate object. "
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" I failed to make the chess team because of my height. "
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" I was going through a little bit of turbulence in my career. And so, it's funny how turbulence itself will make you hold onto something for security. And so the only thing I knew is trust in the Lord and lean not unto your own heart, in all thy ways acknowledge him and he shall direct thy path. "
Emmitt Smith
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" When I was young, I'd watch guys on 'The Tonight Show', Buddy Hackett, guys like that, where all they'd be is funny. Later, I remember, on 'Late Night with Letterman', I remember he'd have Jay Leno and Richard Lewis as first guests and the entire point was to entertain and be funny, and I think talk shows have kind of lost that. "
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" Everything is funny, as long as it's happening to somebody else. "
Will Rogers
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" I'll stick to finding the funny in the ordinary because my life is pretty ordinary and so are the lives of my friends - and my friends are hilarious. "
Issa Rae
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" There are certain sorts of jokes which have only to do with the substitution of the unexpected word in a familiar context. If you translated something into French and then had it translated back into English by somebody who didn't know the original, you'd lose what was funny. "
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" Maybe people don't see me as believable playing a person of today. I guess I'm just more realistic in a corset and funny hairstyles. "
Katie McGrath
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" One advantage of talking to yourself is that you know at least somebody's listening. "
Franklin P. Jones
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" I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own. "
Les Dawson
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" I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight. "
Rita Rudner
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" Me carrying a briefcase is like a hotdog wearing earrings. "
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" A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul. "
George Bernard Shaw
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" Part of my act is meant to shake you up. It looks like I'm being funny, but I'm reminding you of other things. Life is tough, darling. Life is hard. And we better laugh at everything; otherwise, we're going down the tube. "
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" We know that the nature of genius is to provide idiots with ideas twenty years later. "
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" We're the only animal that wakes up and doesn't stretch. "
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" I meditate and I also think about meditation. Which is funny. I think about Maharishi, about just the idea of meditating. It gives me something. "
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" I grew up as a very sarcastic person. I was always the class clown, and to date girls, I had to be really funny. I was really skinny growing up. I was so thin, I had to run around in the shower to get wet. That kind of thin. So I always had to rely on humor and sarcasm. "
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" The 'Billionaire' song is what my kids tease me with. They sing it to me. It's funny. "
Bill Gates
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" I bought some batteries, but they weren't included. "
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" Being a stand-up is my mission in life; it's my passion. My ongoing goal is to simply be funny, on my own, in front of a roomful of strangers. "
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" My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them. "
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" Comedy is a tool of togetherness. It's a way of putting your arm around someone, pointing at something, and saying, 'Isn't it funny that we do that?' It's a way of reaching out. "
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" It's funny how people who ain't never been down there can think that America is so fair and that we should be alright. It's funny that the people who have their foot on our neck are telling us, 'Get up. What's wrong with you?' "
Ice Cube
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" As for our majority... one is enough. "
Benjamin Disraeli
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" Macho does not prove mucho. "
Zsa Zsa Gabor
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" I like making fun of myself a lot. I like being made fun of, too. I've always enjoyed it. There's just something really, really funny about someone tearing into me. "
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