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" A pessimist is a person who has had to listen to too many optimists. "

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" Funny things happen to you in movies for silly reasons. "

" During the Great Depression, when people laughed their worries disappeared. Audiences loved these funny men. I decided to become one. "

" We pay for the mistakes of our ancestors, and it seems only fair that they should leave us the money to pay with. "

" I have a memory like an elephant. I remember every elephant I've ever met. "

" If you want to get rich from writing, write the sort of thing that's read by persons who move their lips when they're reading to themselves. "

" If something is very, very funny but possibly controversial, if it's truly funny, then it's worth doing. Things aren't worth doing for the sake of being controversial. "

" Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die. "

" You know, what's funny to one person is not at all to someone else. "

" It's a funny thing, the less people have to live for, the less nerve they have to risk losing nothing. "

Zora Neale Hurston

" We owe a lot to Thomas Edison - if it wasn't for him, we'd be watching television by candlelight. "

" I don't follow anything blindly. I have to know the entire thing, if I have to get in to it. It might sound funny to you, but it's like using English language. I use an English word only when I know its meaning and understand its connotation. You won't hear me say, 'What's up, dude' or anything like that just for the heck of it. "

" I heard that people were really interested in the new haircut, which I think is so funny. Great haircut, I really like it. It goes great with the time period. And I was super, super, super-happy to have my bangs swept to the side rather than straight in front of me, which I dealt with for three seasons. I'm very, very much done with that. "

" I was going through a little bit of turbulence in my career. And so, it's funny how turbulence itself will make you hold onto something for security. And so the only thing I knew is trust in the Lord and lean not unto your own heart, in all thy ways acknowledge him and he shall direct thy path. "

" The funny thing about having all this so-called success is that behind it is a certain horrible emptiness. "

" The misconception is that standup comics are always on. I don't know any really funny comics that are annoying and constantly trying to be funny all the time. "

" I'd love to become like Bill Murray, who was so funny on 'Saturday Night Live' and has gone on to do some of the landmark comedies people like. And then to add this whole other phase to his career with 'Lost in Translation' and 'Rushmore.' I always felt to be able to have something similar to that would be great. "

" Progress was all right. Only it went on too long. "

" We are all here on earth to help others; what on earth the others are here for I don't know. "

" If you have doubts about someone, lay on a couple of jokes. If he doesn't find anything funny, your radar should be screaming. Then I would say be patient with people who are negative, because they're really having a hard time. "

" I was just a goofy little funny kid, who was always getting sent to the principal. It wasn't serious because I was smart. I wasn't like a true troublemaker, just rambunctious - like, talkative and trying to be funny. That was me in middle-school. "

" Everything I like is either illegal, immoral or fattening. "

Alexander Woollcott

" You can't really be strong until you see a funny side to things. "

" It's funny. All you have to do is say something nobody understands and they'll do practically anything you want them to. "

" Cure for an obsession: get another one. "

" If at first you don't succeed, find out if the loser gets anything. "

William Lyon Phelps

" I like making fun of myself a lot. I like being made fun of, too. I've always enjoyed it. There's just something really, really funny about someone tearing into me. "

" I have never been hurt by what I have not said. "

Calvin Coolidge

" There is always something funny going on between scenes with Adam Sandler. He's always cracking jokes and yelling at people for no reason. It's pretty funny. He'll joke around during scenes, too. When he guest-starred on 'Jessie,' there was nothing in the script that he said first take. "

" If two wrongs don't make a right, try three. "

Laurence J. Peter

" When I was born I owed twelve dollars. "

George S. Kaufman