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" It's funny because I've made a living off of words, but words get in the way of what you really want to say. "
" When I was in improv workshops or doing stand-up or writing comedy with others, or just doing comedy, I just laughed. Funny was funny; I loved to laugh. I always liked people I found generally funny. "
" I never expected to see the day when girls would get sunburned in the places they now do. "
" What after all, is a halo? It's only one more thing to keep clean. "
" There's a great power in words, if you don't hitch too many of them together. "
" This suspense is terrible. I hope it will last. "
" When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity. "
" I remember straightening my hair because I wanted to be like everybody else, and now the fact that anybody would emulate what I do? It's just funny. "
" The risk for me would be in not taking one - that's the only thing that's really risky for me. "
" All men are equal before fish. "
" I comment on my friends' things; whatever they post, I post funny posts. I don't post anything that's too sad or mad, or at least not for too long. And I'm usually just a happy person! Silly - people would describe me as silly and crazy and fun. "
" I'm going to take this God-given gift of being funny, and I'm going to spread it out like peanut butter on everything I do. "
" What was really funny is that as I got older all those guys who called me a sissy in junior high school wanted me to be their best friend because they wanted to meet all the girls that I knew in figure skating. "
" People use the guise of art, and artistic expression, to do all kinds of hateful things. It's like Trump and everybody else using the guise of humor to say hateful things, the excuse being, 'I was just being funny.' "
" I wouldn't say that anyone in fashion is on my side. I don't think there's anyone on my side. "
" This dark diction has become America's addiction. "
" It's always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it's just hilarious. "
" People always tell you, 'Be humble. Be humble.' When was the last time someone told you to be amazing? Be great! Be great! Be awesome! Be awesome! "
" I'm a funny guy. You've got to be able to make fun of yourself. We only live once. "
" Personally, I feel like I'm trying to redefine what a really good rapper can be like. Like, I think it's not often where a good rapper can be making funny music. "
" Fashion breaks my heart. "
" I'm fascinated with the stories that we tell. Real histories become fantasies and fairy tales, morality tales and fables. There's something interesting and funny and perverse about the way fairytale sometimes passes for history, for truth. "
" I'm probably not very funny. The scripts just don't come in, or the ones that do aren't that good. I suppose I'm just an old drama queen, really. "
" It is to be observed that 'angling' is the name given to fishing by people who can't fish. "
" I would talk in iambic pentameter if it were easier. "
" You don't have to be scared of me, because I am loyal. Why are people so scared of creative ideas and so scared of truth? All I want to do is do good. "
" I'm not funny. What I am is brave. "
" It usually takes two people a little while to learn where the funny buttons are and testy buttons are. "
" Let's have some new cliches. "
" Before I refuse to take your questions, I have an opening statement. "
" Funny things tend not to happen to me. I am not a natural comic. I need to think about things a lot before I can be even remotely amusing. "