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" It is to be observed that 'angling' is the name given to fishing by people who can't fish. "

Stephen Leacock

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" My favorite kind of humor is basically, if it was happening to you, it wouldn't be funny, but to observe it, it's hilarious. "

" When I was young, I'd watch guys on 'The Tonight Show', Buddy Hackett, guys like that, where all they'd be is funny. Later, I remember, on 'Late Night with Letterman', I remember he'd have Jay Leno and Richard Lewis as first guests and the entire point was to entertain and be funny, and I think talk shows have kind of lost that. "

" When I turned about 12 or 13, I realised that being funny wasn't about remembering jokes. It was about creating them. "

" All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific. "

" It usually takes two people a little while to learn where the funny buttons are and testy buttons are. "

" You are not just a funny person or just a journalist. Most people are hybrids of having a smart opinion and a great sense of humor. "

" Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please. "

" Because death and illness are the most horrible things in life, of course that's where the most absurdly funny things are going to happen. "

" Me carrying a briefcase is like a hotdog wearing earrings. "

Sparky Anderson

" If you want to be thought a liar, always tell the truth. "

Logan Pearsall Smith

" Now a 'funnyman' can get a laugh before opening his mouth - looking funny. Lou Costello was one of your great funnymen. Harry Langdon, Larry Semon; they were all funnymen - they looked funny. W.C. Fields was never a comedian. Slim Summerville was a comedian, yet looked funny. Now if you have both attributes, you are in good shape. "

" I love comedians that dive into politics. I personally don't feel comfortable, with my background, weighing in unless I have a take that I think is funny enough that I would put it in front of an audience. "

" I would talk in iambic pentameter if it were easier. "

" The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion. "

" People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do. "

" There are a lot of really funny guys who are very natural in what they do: Jonah Hill, Michael Cera, Seth Rogen. "

" I would ask my mother to show me how to walk - and she did show me. That's why I think it's funny when people say, 'Did so-and-so teach you how to walk?' And I always say, 'You must be talking about my mother, because it was my mother who taught me how to walk.' "

" Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before. "

" The middle class is so funny, it's the class I know best, and it's the class where you find the most pretension, so that's what makes the middle classes so funny. "

" Advertising: the science of arresting the human intelligence long enough to get money from it. "

Stephen Leacock

" My mother was against me being an actress - until I introduced her to Frank Sinatra. "

Angie Dickinson

" I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house. "

" What we call creative work, ought not to be called work at all, because it isn't. I imagine that Thomas Edison never did a day's work in his last fifty years. "

Stephen Leacock

" I think anyone who has, you know, is in any sort of artistic pursuit, kind of goes up and down with the way they feel about their work. And I, for the most part, am pretty happy person. But, yeah. I go through definite periods of time where I'm not funny. I'm not good. I'm - I don't feel original. "

" By all means let's be open-minded, but not so open-minded that our brains drop out. "

Richard Dawkins

" It's funny how you never think about the women you've had. It's always the ones who get away that you can't forget. "

Chuck Palahniuk

" I look out at the stadiums full of people and see them all knowing the words to songs I wrote. And curling their hair! I remember straightening my hair because I wanted to be like everybody else, and now the fact that anybody would emulate what I do? It's just funny. And wonderful. "

" I was flying with my brother, and he challenged me to work out on the airplane. He thought it was funny - and I did it! "

" I wish the government would put a tax on pianos for the incompetent. "

" The Lord said 'let there be wheat' and Saskatchewan was born. "

Stephen Leacock