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" What was really funny is that as I got older all those guys who called me a sissy in junior high school wanted me to be their best friend because they wanted to meet all the girls that I knew in figure skating. "

Scott Hamilton

Friend

Best

School

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" Well, I'm not afraid to say something if I think it's funny, even if it's harsh or racist. "

" I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific. "

Lily Tomlin

Realize

Funny

" Say what you will about the ten commandments, you must always come back to the pleasant fact that there are only ten of them. "

" Memories are doing funny things to us. "

" That's my only goal. Surround myself with funny people, and make sure everyone has a good time and works hard. "

" That's what makes the Ryder Cup in golf so much better than the Masters or the U.S. Open. To be a part of something that is not about personal achievement, but about representing everyone and sharing it with the whole country, it's wonderful. "

" I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back. "

" We actually found some home videos, some really funny footage of me when I was around 3 years old. I come up to the camera to do a Nixon impression. I don't know who taught me that, but I come up to the camera and said, 'I am not a crook.' I got a really good laugh. You see me register that bringing joy to people is a positive thing. "

" Television has brought back murder into the home - where it belongs. "

" I like children - fried. "

W. C. Fields

Children

Fried

" It's funny. You travel all over the world, and you wind up with a guy from your hometown. "

" Fame is a very confusing thing, because you are recognized by a lot of people that you've never seen before, and they're at a great advantage. "

" There's a rule of writing: if everything is funny, nothing is funny; if everything is sad, nothing is sad. You want that contrast. "

J. Michael Straczynski

Want

You

Writing

" It's funny - I read that women look to chiseled-faced guys for one-night stands, and to round-faced guys for marriage. When I'm rounder in the face, I like to say, 'This is my long-term look.' Or 'This is my wife-and-kids look right here.' "

" My mama never wore a pair of pants when I was growing up, and now that's all she wears. It was so funny for me when I first started seeing Mama wear pants. It was like it wasn't Mama. Now I've bought her many a pantsuit because she just lives in them. "

" Defy your own group. Rebel against yourself. "

" There are lots of people who mistake their imagination for their memory. "

" The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it. "

" I'm very accessible. I don't get into this ego thing. "

" If at first you don't succeed, blame your parents. "

" Even Napoleon had his Watergate. "

" It's funny how people who ain't never been down there can think that America is so fair and that we should be alright. It's funny that the people who have their foot on our neck are telling us, 'Get up. What's wrong with you?' "

" Adversity, and perseverance and all these things can shape you. They can give you a value and a self-esteem that is priceless. "

" Men are liars. We'll lie about lying if we have to. I'm an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive. "

" When I'm on stage, it's really intense. My mind is going a million miles an hour, trying to remember my act, trying to say it all the right way. It's funny how different it looks and how it's happening. There are three Fellini circuses in my head, and outwardly it looks like I'm going to get a bagel. "

" It is funny to me that because I can run, because I'm athletic, people tend to see that as my only asset. "

" What is scary to me is silly to somebody else. CG isn't scary to me. It's like comedy - comedy and horror are quite similar, in that there'll always be somebody who'll say, 'I don't think that was funny.' And it's the same with things that are meant to be scary. "

" I wouldn't totally rule out doing Letterman or the Tonight Show if I had a set that I just happened to write that I thought was funny but was still appropriate for network censors. But I'm not going to go out of my way. "

" Maybe people don't see me as believable playing a person of today. I guess I'm just more realistic in a corset and funny hairstyles. "

" I read part of it all the way through. "