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" What after all, is a halo? It's only one more thing to keep clean. "

Christopher Fry

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" I used to write out of angst. My writing was quite miserable, quite angry, even when it was funny. It was based on this sadness and tired emotional disdain for the world. "

" I know my strong points: I work hard, I have talent, I'm funny, and I'm a good person. "

" We need two kinds of acquaintances, one to complain to, while to the others we boast. "

Logan Pearsall Smith

" I wish the government would put a tax on pianos for the incompetent. "

" TV is chewing gum for the eyes. "

Frank Lloyd Wright

" Every time I see an adult on a bicycle, I no longer despair for the future of the human race. "

" What do I know of man's destiny? I could tell you more about radishes. "

" Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die. "

" When I'm being funny, I try not to offend. I don't think much of what I've done has been in really ghastly taste. I don't think I have embarrassed many people or distressed them. "

" I'm quite sarcastic, and I'm funny, but not kind of funny. It's a weird funny, and some people don't get me, and some people do. "

Millie Bobby Brown

" People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do. "

" I don't have a bank account because I don't know my mother's maiden name. "

Paula Poundstone

" I love to go to Washington - if only to be near my money. "

" My mama never wore a pair of pants when I was growing up, and now that's all she wears. It was so funny for me when I first started seeing Mama wear pants. It was like it wasn't Mama. Now I've bought her many a pantsuit because she just lives in them. "

" The tour bus is always fun, and there's plenty of time to watch movies. Actually, Kanye introduced me to the movie 'Step Brothers.' We were sitting there, watching it and clowning around - it was so funny, man. "

" The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest. "

Rodney Dangerfield

" If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late. "

" I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party. "

" Thinking is one thing no one has ever been able to tax. "

Charles Kettering

" The next time you have a thought... let it go. "

" I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink. "

" I'm not a fussy eater, but when I'm travelling, I try to stick to the same regime and just have my chicken and my mash and broccoli. Otherwise, you start eating all these funny delicacies, and it makes your tummy turn upside down. "

" All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific. "

" To me, wealth is the peace of mind you have, your family, your friends, your colleagues. Everything else is just money, and it really is funny how people pay so much attention to that. "

Ricardo Salinas Pliego

" I like bowling. I suck at it, but I like it. You know what's so funny? I have days when I'm absolutely great at doing it, and then I have days when I just don't understand it. "

" All the candy corn that was ever made was made in 1911. "

" As I get older, all sorts of things become less funny. Once one has children, any cruelty involving children becomes far less amusing than when one was at the mercy of one's friends' and relatives' children. "

" There's nothing I dislike more than being in a photo shoot where they say, 'Be yourself.' That's not why I became an actress. That's what I find so funny: that you become an actor, and all of a sudden, everyone wants to know about you. But I didn't become an actor so I could show you me. "

" It's funny, the moment you dread the most, seeing yourself bald, is actually not such a bad moment at all. "

" I direct with energy. I believe in energy. I think energy is an electric thing in actors. I try to inspire, encourage, and make choices with lots of energy. And truth. I'm big fan of truth and being funny. I like leading 50 people into battle every day. "

Matthew Lillard