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" Funny things tend not to happen to me. I am not a natural comic. I need to think about things a lot before I can be even remotely amusing. "
Rowan Atkinson
Funny
Think
I Am
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" If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets. "
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" Christopher Columbus, as everyone knows, is honored by posterity because he was the last to discover America. "
James Joyce
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" When you're eight years old nothing is your business. "
Lenny Bruce
Nothing
Your
Funny
" If I feel you're funny, I want to work with you. "
Danielle Schneider
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You
" To be or not to be. That's not really a question. "
Jean-Luc Godard
Question
Funny
Really
" Comedy is surprises, so if you're intending to make somebody laugh and they don't laugh, that's funny. "
Norm MacDonald
Surprises
You
Laugh
" Every time I see an adult on a bicycle, I no longer despair for the future of the human race. "
H. G. Wells
Funny
Bicycle
Time
" I don't care how handsome or fabulous or funny the groom is, or how sweet and accommodating the bride, or vice versa. Marriage is hard. "
Jenna McCarthy
Marriage
Bride
Care
" I wanted to be clever, but being funny came first. That's how you know someone is clever. They don't come out and tell you pi to 13 places - they tell you a joke. "
Ricky Gervais
Clever
Tell
You
" I'm a classic example of all humorists - only funny when I'm working. "
Peter Sellers
Example
Working
Only
" One advantage of talking to yourself is that you know at least somebody's listening. "
Franklin P. Jones
Funny
You
Yourself
" It's funny; it's a real balancing act. In TV, everybody's talking about authenticity. In order to make 'Dirty Jobs' authentic, I really can't be overly informed. The minute I am, I become a host... It's a very tricky business paying a tribute to work, because TV is very bad at it. "
Mike Rowe
Bad
Business
Funny
" I've been fascinated by the Internet from the very start. In 2001, I had made a funny black-and-white film called 'How to Dance Properly,' a short video of me dancing to a Madonna song. I sent it to 17 of my friends on a Thursday, and by Monday, one million people a day were logging on to view it. "
Ze Frank
Funny
Dance
Day
" But generally speaking, I tend to be quiet and introspective. "
Rowan Atkinson
Speaking
Introspective
Tend
" It's funny - I read that women look to chiseled-faced guys for one-night stands, and to round-faced guys for marriage. When I'm rounder in the face, I like to say, 'This is my long-term look.' Or 'This is my wife-and-kids look right here.' "
Garrett Hedlund
Look
Funny
Face
" Cure for an obsession: get another one. "
Mason Cooley
Obsession
Another
Cure
" Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please. "
Mark Twain
Facts
Your
Funny
" Believe it or not, I make myself laugh. Sometimes when I have thoughts or say some things that are funny, it just makes me laugh, and I don't mind laughing at it before you guys do. "
Kevin Hart
Myself
Laugh
Funny
" What I am looking for is a blessing not in disguise. "
Jerome K. Jerome
Funny
Disguise
Blessing
" Here is my prescription to heal all wounds. Watch the film 'Funny Girl' at least five times, eat at least 45 chocolate bars, and hang out with all those friends you blew off to hang out with your ex. I truly believe that, through a combination of Nutella, old pals and Barbra Streisand, we can achieve happiness and, very probably, world peace. "
Beth Ditto
Girl
Funny
World
" During the Great Depression, when people laughed their worries disappeared. Audiences loved these funny men. I decided to become one. "
Jerry Stiller
Men
Depression
People
" A word to the wise is infuriating. "
Hunter S. Thompson
Word
Wise
Funny
" Too much agreement kills a chat. "
Eldridge Cleaver
Agreement
Chat
Funny
" There's a great power in words, if you don't hitch too many of them together. "
Josh Billings
Together
Funny
Power
" I was the kid next door's imaginary friend. "
Emo Philips
Door
Next
Kid
" I'll stick to finding the funny in the ordinary because my life is pretty ordinary and so are the lives of my friends - and my friends are hilarious. "
Issa Rae
Finding
My Life
Life
" Being nice can be funny. A lot of my jokes are like, 'Let me take a bad situation and try to put the best spin on it.' "
Ron Funches
Funny
Me
Nice
" When it comes down to it, glam rock was all very amusing. At the time, it was funny, then a few years later it became sort of serious-looking and a bit foreboding. "
David Bowie
Time
Down
Funny
" My mother was a nurse, and in her era, most diseases weren't understood; people put mustard plasters on knees and rubbed camphor on your chest if you had a cough and did funny things to you if you had tuberculosis - all these things that really made very little difference once proper treatments were brought in. "
Barry Marshall
Difference
Funny
You
" I am built funny. Picture Mark Twain's head on Ichabod Crane's body. Now hold your mental picture to the light and crumple it. "
Donald McCaig
I Am
Funny
Body