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" When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity. "
Albert Einstein
Sit
Like
You
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" We are all here on earth to help others; what on earth the others are here for I don't know. "
W. H. Auden
Funny
Earth
Know
" Often, joking for me is a way of diffusing the awkwardness of a situation, so it's kind of exhilarating to be a part of projects where there's nothing funny or lighthearted. "
Emma Stone
Way
Funny
Kind
" Being a stand-up is my mission in life; it's my passion. My ongoing goal is to simply be funny, on my own, in front of a roomful of strangers. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Passion
Funny
Life
" Everyone should be respected as an individual, but no one idolized. "
Albert Einstein
Respect
Individual
Everyone
" You're only as good as your last haircut. "
Fran Lebowitz
Funny
Only
You
" I've always believed that there are funny people everywhere, but they're just not comedians. In fact, some of my best comedic inspirations were not professional entertainers. "
Steve Martin
Professional
Fact
Best
" I wasn't close to my father, but I wanted to be all my life. He had a funny sense of humor, and he laughed all the time - good and loud, like I do. He was a gay Irish gentleman and very good-looking. And he wanted to be close to me, too, but we never had much time together. "
Judy Garland
Life
Humor
Good
" Be obscure clearly. "
E. B. White
Funny
Clearly
Obscure
" I am built funny. Picture Mark Twain's head on Ichabod Crane's body. Now hold your mental picture to the light and crumple it. "
Donald McCaig
I Am
Funny
Body
" When I turned about 12 or 13, I realised that being funny wasn't about remembering jokes. It was about creating them. "
Paul Merton
Creating
Remembering
Funny
" It stands to the everlasting credit of science that by acting on the human mind it has overcome man's insecurity before himself and before nature. "
Albert Einstein
Insecurity
Science
Nature
" Every cloud has its silver lining but it is sometimes a little difficult to get it to the mint. "
Don Marquis
Sometimes
Cloud
Funny
" Maori get pigeonholed into the idea they're spiritual and telling stories like 'Whale Rider' and 'Once Were Warriors,' quite serious stuff, but we're pretty funny people, and we never really have had an opportunity to show that side of ourselves, the clumsy, nerdy side of ourselves, which is something I am. "
Taika Waititi
Funny
Spiritual
I Am
" And at the time, it is funny how you can look at something and say, for example with my shoulder injury, when it first happened I said this is the worst thing that could happen to me. Why me, why now? Now I look back and say it was probably the best thing that happened to me. "
Drew Brees
Me
Best
Look
" One picture is worth 1,000 denials. "
Ronald Reagan
Picture
Worth
Picture Is Worth
" I love to go to Washington - if only to be near my money. "
Bob Hope
Washington
Love
Money
" It's funny the way most people love the dead. Once you are dead, you are made for life. "
Jimi Hendrix
People
You
Funny
" I'm just not one of those naturally funny, relaxed actors who enjoy the spotlight and are so good at it. "
Heath Ledger
Good
Enjoy
Funny
" I used to write out of angst. My writing was quite miserable, quite angry, even when it was funny. It was based on this sadness and tired emotional disdain for the world. "
David Thewlis
Funny
Writing
Sadness
" Isn't it funny how babies laugh a lot? I read a toddler, a young child laughs 300 times a day. The average adult laughs, like, four times a day. God put it in them. He put the laugh in us, but I think sometimes we let life get us down, you know, have bad breaks, and we lose our breaks. "
Joel Osteen
God
Day
Life
" The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits. "
Albert Einstein
Genius
Intelligence
Limits
" I like making fun of myself a lot. I like being made fun of, too. I've always enjoyed it. There's just something really, really funny about someone tearing into me. "
John Mulaney
Funny
Always
Someone
" He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle. "
Alice Roosevelt Longworth
Pickle
Been
Funny
" Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds. "
Albert Einstein
Great
Opposition
Always
" Actually being funny is mostly telling the truth about things. "
Bernard Sahlins
Things
Funny
Truth
" If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one? "
Abraham Lincoln
Wearing
Would
Funny
" Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves. "
Abraham Lincoln
Ability
Tact
See
" People naturally want to retweet and engage on super funny videos and memes. "
Jake Paul
Videos
Engage
Funny
" Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Important
More
Cleanliness
" When we talk to God, we're praying. When God talks to us, we're schizophrenic. "
Jane Wagner
Schizophrenic
Funny
Us