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" The Public is merely a multiplied 'me.' "

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" There is no distinctly American criminal class - except Congress. "

" Biographies are but the clothes and buttons of the man. The biography of the man himself cannot be written. "

" Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about. "

" All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure. "

" A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way. "

" The very ink with which history is written is merely fluid prejudice. "

" The lack of money is the root of all evil. "

" Man will do many things to get himself loved, he will do all things to get himself envied. "

" A round man cannot be expected to fit in a square hole right away. He must have time to modify his shape. "

" Principles have no real force except when one is well-fed. "

" In 'Huckleberry Finn,' I have drawn Tom Blankenship exactly as he was. He was ignorant, unwashed, insufficiently fed; but he had as good a heart as ever any boy had. "

" Everything human is pathetic. The secret source of humor itself is not joy but sorrow. There is no humor in heaven. "

" The wit knows that his place is at the tail of a procession. "

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" The trouble ain't that there is too many fools, but that the lightning ain't distributed right. "

" Work consists of whatever a body is obliged to do. Play consists of whatever a body is not obliged to do. "

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" I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week sometimes to make it up. "

" She was not quite what you would call refined. She was not quite what you would call unrefined. She was the kind of person that keeps a parrot. "

" All right, then, I'll go to hell. "

" George Washington, as a boy, was ignorant of the commonest accomplishments of youth. He could not even lie. "

" Action speaks louder than words but not nearly as often. "

" In the Spring, I have counted 136 different kinds of weather inside of 24 hours. "

" There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably desirable. "

" When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain. "

" Let us endeavor so to live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry. "

" There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist. "

" Drag your thoughts away from your troubles... by the ears, by the heels, or any other way you can manage it. "