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" When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old. "

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" There are people who can do all fine and heroic things but one - keep from telling their happiness to the unhappy. "

" My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it. "

" I came in with Halley's Comet in 1835. It is coming again next year, and I expect to go out with it. It will be the greatest disappointment of my life if I don't go out with Halley's Comet. The Almighty has said, no doubt: 'Now here are these two unaccountable freaks; they came in together, they must go out together.' "

" Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example. "

" Training is everything. The peach was once a bitter almond; cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education. "

" Everything human is pathetic. The secret source of humor itself is not joy but sorrow. There is no humor in heaven. "

" When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain. "

" I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened. "

" It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not deserve them. "

" Water, taken in moderation, cannot hurt anybody. "

" By trying we can easily learn to endure adversity. Another man's, I mean. "

" When people do not respect us we are sharply offended; yet in his private heart no man much respects himself. "

" Work consists of whatever a body is obliged to do. Play consists of whatever a body is not obliged to do. "

" Do the thing you fear most and the death of fear is certain. "

" Many a small thing has been made large by the right kind of advertising. "

" Prophesy is a good line of business, but it is full of risks. "

" In 'Huckleberry Finn,' I have drawn Tom Blankenship exactly as he was. He was ignorant, unwashed, insufficiently fed; but he had as good a heart as ever any boy had. "

" One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives. "

" The more things are forbidden, the more popular they become. "

" You can't depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus. "

" Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits. "

" Few of us can stand prosperity. Another man's, I mean. "

" Biographies are but the clothes and buttons of the man. The biography of the man himself cannot be written. "

" It were not best that we should all think alike; it is difference of opinion that makes horse races. "

" Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company. "

" Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear. "

" To be good is noble; but to show others how to be good is nobler and no trouble. "

" Humor must not professedly teach and it must not professedly preach, but it must do both if it would live forever. "

" Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. "

" It usually takes me more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech. "