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" The 18,000 NASA employees are full of galactic talents and abilities and are ready to accomplish whatever they're directed to do. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Talents
Ready
Employees
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" I had a confused early hippie phase, which was like a cafeteria tray of sloppy, semi-Marxist thoughts, absorbed second-hand. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Early
Like
Confused
" When I was fifteen, I dreamed of living in the big city, as many a young person does if he is artistic and sensitive. By 'artistic and sensitive' I mean short, skinny, unkissed, bad at sports, and carrying a C average in high school. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Sports
School
City
" Wealth is not a pizza, where if I have too many slices you have to eat the Domino's box. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Domino
Pizza
Wealth
" A friend of mine at the American Enterprise Institute says there are two parties: the silly party and the stupid party. I'm too old for the silly party, so I had to join the stupid party. "
P. J. O'Rourke
American
Party
Friend
" Finland is a rich country. What have they got? They got Nokia phones and plywood. How'd they get so rich? Because they're free. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Free
Got
Country
" The car provided Americans with an enviable standard of living. You could not get a steady job with high wages and health and retirement benefits working on the General Livestock Corporation assembly line putting udders on cows. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Line
You
Retirement
" Thank you, Occupy Wall Street. With your vivid example of anticapitalist squalor, I've been able to convince all three of my children to become investment bankers. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Three
You
Thank You
" The weirder you're going to behave, the more normal you should look. It works in reverse, too. When I see a kid with three or four rings in his nose, I know there is absolutely nothing extraordinary about that person. "
P. J. O'Rourke
You
Know
Look
" There are a few things that people all around the world need to admit to themselves. Trade restraints slow economic growth, the euro is not a reserve currency, and scoreless sports ties are boring. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Sports
World
Slow
" In a free country, government is a dull and onerous responsibility. It is a parent-teacher conference. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Dull
Responsibility
Government
" People say, 'Oh, politics is so polarized today,' and I'm thinking... '1861, that was polarized.' "
P. J. O'Rourke
Thinking
Today
Say
" The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year's Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you're married to. "
P. J. O'Rourke
You
Kiss
Holiday
" If it were not for government regulation of big corporations, executives at companies like Enron, WorldCom, Tyco, they could have cheated investors out of millions. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Corporations
Big
Government
" Everybody with a gun has a checkpoint in Lebanon. And in Lebanon, you'd be crazy not to have a gun. Though, I assure you, all the crazy people have guns, too. "
P. J. O'Rourke
People
You
Crazy
" I've never been able to get it straight about what these people who are worried about the trade deficit are worried about. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Never
Trade
People
" Californians devised a system of electricity sales that ignored every dimension of the free market. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Electricity
System
Sales
" Zero-sum thinking is an obsession of mine, but mostly in economics. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Economics
Mine
Obsession
" Philosophy was once considered science. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Science
Considered
Philosophy
" Corporate corruption has ecological merits. It's helping to preserve that species known as Democrats - thought to be endangered as recently as the year 2000. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Year
Corruption
Thought
" Adam Smith pointed out that there were three things that make us more prosperous, in a general sort of way: freedom to pursue our own self-interest; specialization, which he called division of labor; and freedom of trade. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Own
Three
Way
" Wealth brings great benefits to the world. Rich people are heros. "
P. J. O'Rourke
World
Great
People
" Arab-led Islamic fundamentalism destabilizes nations from Algeria to the Philippines. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Algeria
Islamic
Nations
" The problem with public school is not overcrowding in the classroom. The problem is not teacher unions. The problem is not underfunding or lack of computer equipment. The problem is your damn kids. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Teacher
School
Problem
" I know quite a few fellow members of the news analysis and commentary business, and I have it from the highest-placed sources, on the record, that each and every one of our children is a genius. "
P. J. O'Rourke
News
Know
Business
" Everybody is xenophobic to an extent. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Xenophobic
Extent
Everybody
" There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Women
Number
Mechanical
" Each child is biologically required to have a mother. Fatherhood is a well-regarded theory, but motherhood is a fact. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Fatherhood
Child
Mother
" People say free trade causes dislocation. In actual fact, it's the lowering of trade barriers that causes the dislocation. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Free
Trade
People Say
" Our regulatory bodies strive to create honest dealings, fair trades, and a situation in which no one has an advantage over anyone else. But human beings aren't honest. And all trades are made because one person thinks he's getting the better of the other, and the other person thinks the same. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Create
Better
Human
" Staying married may have long-term benefits. You can elicit much more sympathy from friends over a bad marriage than you ever can from a good divorce. "
P. J. O'Rourke
You
Good
Sympathy