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" I was a mother's boy. "

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" I don't say I was the first, because, who knows, maybe there was a guy out in Minnesota doing it before me. "

" I mean, in my - and I'm not trying to do spilled milk, but in those days it was a little - I think it was much tougher, because you got an image, and you were in a saloon. And it was tough to come out of a saloon and to get in films, and to maintain an image, you know. "

" We were Orthodox Jews, but we really didn't deserve it. I mean, bacon - my father said, 'Don't put bacon in the house,' but we had bacon. We didn't keep kosher. And we observed which today would be Conservative Jews. But in those days, we belonged to an Orthodox temple. So we made out we were Orthodox Jews, but we really weren't. "

" An 'insult comic' is the title I was given. What I do is exaggeration. I make fun of people, at life, of myself and my surroundings. "

" When I got out of high school, I wanted to be an actor but was getting a lot of rejections. I was getting rejected by life. My mother, God rest her soul, told me not to quit. "

" My whole act is off the top of my head. "

" You throw your best punch, otherwise don't do it. "

" It's tough having the last name 'Rickles.' Luckily, my kids handled it great. "

" Diana Krall I met in, I think it was Canada. She's a lovely lady. Her husband, Elvis Costello, is a great star. "

" Nobody ever dared with Frank, because he had such mood swings, and you never knew how he was going to react. But I could tell the minute I saw him that he was going to be in my corner. "

" Honestly, I didn't realize it - all of a sudden, I was 90. The years skipped by quickly. When it happened, I said, 'Where did the time go?' "

" If I have learned anything, it is to keep my wife happy by sending her lavish gifts. Other men can learn from my success and send their wives and girlfriends fresh flowers for birthdays, anniversaries, and of course, Valentine's Day. "

" You lose your energy, you lose that excitement and it gets the audience up. "

" Famous people are deceptive. Deep down, they're just regular people. Like Larry King. We've been friends for forty years. He's one of the few guys I know who's really famous. One minute he's talking to the president on his cell phone, and then the next minute he's saying to me, 'Do you think we ought to give the waiter another dollar?' "

" I was nice to the people in the Philippines for the two and a half years I was there, because I knew eventually I'd have to kiss up to them so my grandchildren could have toys. "

" I always rib people, but nobody ever gives me a hard time. I don't know why. Maybe they're afraid of what I might say. There's probably a lesson in that somewhere, but I don't know what it is. "

" Many, many years ago, I stood on the stage and told bad jokes and did Sophie Tucker as an impersonation, and nobody looked up; and suddenly, I looked down and said, 'Sir, I'm getting fed up with you. Either you watch, or I'm going to suck your neck,' or words to that effect, and suddenly people started to laugh. "

" I have no idea what I'm going to say when I stand up to give a toast. But I do know that anything I say I find funny. "

" Among my friends, I'm not a little Boy Scout, and they love my humor, thank God. "

" I'd like to think my performance is today. I never try to - it's so, as you know, watching me, I have a beginning, middle and ending. But every night the show changes and I relate to an audience and I relate to the young people. "

" Room service is great if you want to pay $500 for a club sandwich. "

" It's very sweet to have people say nice things about you, and I always accept that. "

" I was sitting in the toilet and I was by myself. I was tired of playing with the roller, so I said I'd better write a book. "

" I enjoy mixed audiences, not one particular group. Short, tall, scientists, Jews, gentiles, whatever, as long as they breathe and like to laugh. "

" Show business is my life. When I was a kid I sold insurance, but nobody laughed. "

" You got to have a lot of courage. Secondly, whatever it is you're doing, you have to believe in it wholeheartedly. Thirdly, you have to be able to stand up in front of people and know that they'll laugh. "

" My wife, Barbara, is great. She arranges when I do work that I have a day off between performances. "

" I don't have regrets. I've never sat here and thought, 'Gee, if only I'd done 'The Man Who Came to Dinner' on Broadway, I would have been happier.' "

" I don't walk into a dinner party and say, 'You're an idiot; give me my coat.' "

" I'm very shy so I became very outgoing to protect my shyness. "