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" Diana Krall I met in, I think it was Canada. She's a lovely lady. Her husband, Elvis Costello, is a great star. "

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" Ninety percent of the people who come to see me are my fans. "

" You got to have a lot of courage. Secondly, whatever it is you're doing, you have to believe in it wholeheartedly. Thirdly, you have to be able to stand up in front of people and know that they'll laugh. "

" Famous people are deceptive. Deep down, they're just regular people. Like Larry King. We've been friends for forty years. He's one of the few guys I know who's really famous. One minute he's talking to the president on his cell phone, and then the next minute he's saying to me, 'Do you think we ought to give the waiter another dollar?' "

" What keeps me going is that young people still want to see me. "

" Yeah, I make fun of blacks, and why not? I'm not a black. "

" I want to be a dog, but I'm a pussycat. "

" Show business is my life. When I was a kid I sold insurance, but nobody laughed. "

" I always say, when you're onstage you can't please everybody. I'm sure there are people who may not take to what I do, but that's okay. Thank God the majority are in my corner. "

" I call myself an actor. I always wanted to be one. "

" Even when I was in high school and the Navy, I was the guy who could rip somebody, and they'd laugh at it. "

" I never went out looking for glory. "

" My mother was a Jewish General Patton. "

" There's a difference between an actual insult and a friendly jab. So I don't think I'm offensive onstage. "

" When you first start out with something new, you're always a little uptight. "

" I cannot tell a joke. But I can do a situation, that it becomes a joke. "

" Johnny Carson was a big influence on me - all of those shows I did with him over the years, like, 100 of them, they made a bit of a name for me at the time, so that part of my life was very good. "

" Why should I retire? I'm like a fighter. The bell rings, and you come out and fight. "

" When I'm onstage, I'm acting. "

" Struggling is hard because you never know what's at the end of the tunnel. "

End Of The Tunnel

" An insult is mean or unkind. Milton Berle called me the Sultan of Insult, and I was called the King of Insult. But the guy that gave me the best title - and I use it to this day - was Johnny Carson. He called me Mr. Warmth. "

" When you enter a room, you have to kiss his ring. I don't mind, but he has it in his back pocket. "

" I do situations and make fun of authority and life. "

" So, I'm on the satellite every Sunday, no matter where we are, with the Rams. Turn on the satellite; got to watch the Rams. "

" I've never gone to comedy clubs. "

" If I were to insult people and mean it, that wouldn't be funny. "

" I mean, in my - and I'm not trying to do spilled milk, but in those days it was a little - I think it was much tougher, because you got an image, and you were in a saloon. And it was tough to come out of a saloon and to get in films, and to maintain an image, you know. "

" My grandchildren just know me now as Mr. Potato Head. "

" You lose your energy, you lose that excitement and it gets the audience up. "

" I say things I get away with, and it becomes a joke. "

" To this day, if you gave me $1,000, I really can't stand up - You can tell a joke. You're a good storyteller and a good joke teller. "