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" That's the one thing I have to say to females. If you don't have a certain look, or if you look a certain way, they won't accept you. "

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" They're smart in Orange County. Smart and rich - just how I like 'em. "

" I don't have a lot of time for television because I am making it, so it's really hard for me to sit down. But when I do get a chance, I try to catch up on 'Scandal,' 'Empire' and 'black-ish.' "

" If you think about how many headlining female comics are out there, you could say 15, maybe 20? "

" I'm fat, and I support fat celebrities, like Oprah. "

" It is harder to dress a bigger woman no matter what anybody wants to say. "

" When we heard that little dial-up sound, that eeeeee, and then you connected, and you then go and you check your mail and you get that 'you got mail,' you were excited. I mean, that was the thing. "

" With comedy, I try to steer toward, you know, talking about people that do crazy things, messed-up things. That's what I like to talk about. "

" What we're trying to do is take these words and soften them. I'm an African-American comic. I use the b-word in my act. "

African-American

" It's always good to laugh. "

" People say they get a warmness from me. "

" You men make up these rules, and now you get mad because I'm telling you what a real woman wants. She wants you to treat her like a lady if you want her to sit up there and put on all the lingerie! "

" I'm hearing from fans about how they got out of an abusive relationship. That's why I tell people you've got to watch 'The Real.' We are about comedy and inspiration, but personal moments come up, and people are moved by it. "

" Seriously, I love my gays. They accept me, and I accept them. Imperfections and all, we accept each other. "

" If you are a woman with your own money, you have confidence. You have the pick of the litter. "

" I am the funny, crazy person. "

" Being a former engineer, you learn to always go back, study yourself, see what you could've done differently, see what you could've said. "

" I like having peace and quiet in my life, and I am perfectly happy in my relationships. "

" I made the conscious decision to not have kids, and I didn't want to be married. "

" Now that I live in Los Angeles, if I meet somebody from Detroit, it's like there's this brother- or sisterhood, where we're real folks. "

" Even when I was an engineer, I was a comic on my job. At birthday and holiday parties, I was the one scheduling and emceeing. If you work on your gift, and you're good, it will shine through. "

" When you're a plus-sized girl, belts are your best friends. I also love bright colors and skirts, to show my pretty knees. "

" Life is funny, and that's why I celebrate it in my shows. "

" I don't want to get married - I've been there and done that. So I know what I'm talking about when I say that. And for everybody has a different path - find out your path! And if you want to do it, don't let people make you feel inadequate because you wanted to do something that's different. "

" We have to remember that people are free to love who they want to love. That also means that black women are free to love who they want to love. "

" The president of CBS handpicked me for the 'Star Search' revival, which Arsenio Hall hosted. He picked 12 comics, and I was the only female. I always look to that as inspiration. "

" Whatever you're destined to do, you will be. "

" I will never say never, but I can tell you right now - I am perfectly happy with being who I am. I just - I really - I'm an entertainer, and the thing that I'd decided to work on was my career, and I decided the energy that I was putting in certain relationships - I was really kind of wasting my time, and I knew it. "

" I keep doing stand-up because the world needs laughter - there's always something happening in the country and in the world. That's why I wanted to become an entertainer: to help people forget about their problems for a little while. "

" I am a seasoned performer. "

" I love being a regular on 'Chelsea Lately!' "