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" The human race is a race of cowards; and I am not only marching in that procession but carrying a banner. "

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" Don't let schooling interfere with your education. "

" If man could be crossed with the cat it would improve man, but deteriorate the cat. "

" The secret of getting ahead is getting started. "

Getting Started

" A person with a new idea is a crank until the idea succeeds. "

" Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities. Truth isn't. "

" Never pick a fight with people who buy ink by the barrel. "

" India has 2,000,000 gods and worships them all. In religion, all other countries are paupers; India is the only millionaire. "

" The right word may be effective, but no word was ever as effective as a rightly timed pause. "

" I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places. "

" The more you explain it, the more I don't understand it. "

" There are several good protections against temptation, but the surest is cowardice. "

" Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education. "

College Education

" The reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated. "

" Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; Truth isn't. "

" Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured. "

" What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin. "

" The Public is merely a multiplied 'me.' "

" The very ink with which history is written is merely fluid prejudice. "

" It put our energies to sleep and made visionaries of us - dreamers and indolent... It is good to begin life poor; it is good to begin life rich - these are wholesome; but to begin it prospectively rich! The man who has not experienced it cannot imagine the curse of it. "

" When a person cannot deceive himself the chances are against his being able to deceive other people. "

" Civilization is the limitless multiplication of unnecessary necessities. "

" The rule is perfect: in all matters of opinion our adversaries are insane. "

" There are times when one would like to hang the whole human race, and finish the farce. "

" A round man cannot be expected to fit in a square hole right away. He must have time to modify his shape. "

" There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably desirable. "

" It is just like man's vanity and impertinence to call an animal dumb because it is dumb to his dull perceptions. "

" Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example. "

" When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old. "

" I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn't know. "

" But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most? "