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" The man I adored, and miss him terribly, was Johnny Carson. "

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" You throw your best punch, otherwise don't do it. "

" I'm very shy so I became very outgoing to protect my shyness. "

" I'm not one of those guys who wants to die on a stage. "

" When I was a younger guy doing comedy, it was a big struggle. Promoters canceled me out of clubs left and right when I called somebody a dummy or a yo-yo. Then they realized I was different. "

" Bob Newhart, who is my best friend, is one of the guys I adore. "

" I've never gone to comedy clubs. "

" I still have drive, but everything is relative. "

" Ninety percent of the people who come to see me are my fans. "

" The young comedians always ask me, 'What's the secret for staying around?' I tell them, 'There is no secret - just stay around. Longevity is the most important thing.' "

" Half the battle is that people have to like you before you say one joke, one bit of humor. "

" I mean, in my - and I'm not trying to do spilled milk, but in those days it was a little - I think it was much tougher, because you got an image, and you were in a saloon. And it was tough to come out of a saloon and to get in films, and to maintain an image, you know. "

" I was sitting in the toilet and I was by myself. I was tired of playing with the roller, so I said I'd better write a book. "

" I think if I took therapy, the doctor would quit. He'd just pick up the couch and walk out of the room. "

" It's very sweet to have people say nice things about you, and I always accept that. "

" I was always the guy who made jokes and ribbed people at parties. After I went to the American Academy of Dramatic Arts I got sidetracked into clubs and started doing comedy. "

" To this day, when I say that I went to the American Academy, people are very impressed. The reputation of the school has always been fantastic. "

" An 'insult comic' is the title I was given. What I do is exaggeration. I make fun of people, at life, of myself and my surroundings. "

" Bob Hope was totally regimented. I go in and say a line like, 'Hi Bob' and I'd have to do it five times, and then Bob would take me to the writers to say the line different ways. He wouldn't let me ad-lib. "

" I do situations and make fun of authority and life. "

" I've never had a written script. "

" You lose your energy, you lose that excitement and it gets the audience up. "

" I'd like to think my performance is today. I never try to - it's so, as you know, watching me, I have a beginning, middle and ending. But every night the show changes and I relate to an audience and I relate to the young people. "

" Even when I was in high school and the Navy, I was the guy who could rip somebody, and they'd laugh at it. "

" Political correctness? In my humor, I never talk about politics. I was never much into all that. "

" The girls, like, in we'll say Hooters, have less clothing than the girls I worked with in those days. We thought it was wild when they just wore little bells and so forth. But today, in restaurants, some of the waitresses almost work in the nude, you know, to get business. "

" I was always the guy - out of insecurities, I was always making fun, even as a kid. "

" When you enter a room, you have to kiss his ring. I don't mind, but he has it in his back pocket. "

" Frank Sinatra. Hey, Frank, I saw you in 'The Pride and Passion,' and I want to tell you the cannon was wonderful! "

" I want to be a dog, but I'm a pussycat. "

" The inaugural of Ronald Reagan, with Frank Sinatra and Dean Martin. And that was the greatest thing. Ronald Reagan and George Bush. That was - I still remember like it was yesterday. "