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" I was always the guy - out of insecurities, I was always making fun, even as a kid. "

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" You know how a fighter always comes into the dressing room way before a fight? That's me - I'm like a fighter. "

" Most people think the character I do onstage is the way I am offstage, but I'm just a regular guy who spends time with his family and who turns on the television and watches a lot of sports. "

" I have no idea what I'm going to say when I stand up to give a toast. But I do know that anything I say I find funny. "

" If I have learned anything, it is to keep my wife happy by sending her lavish gifts. Other men can learn from my success and send their wives and girlfriends fresh flowers for birthdays, anniversaries, and of course, Valentine's Day. "

" If I were to insult people and mean it, that wouldn't be funny. "

" I was 28 when my father died, and I was an only child. "

" To me, the stand up part in my life is great. I know I can do that. When I get an acting chance, I'm really thrilled. "

" I don't care if the average guy on the street really knows what I'm like, as long as he knows I'm not really a mean, vicious guy. My friends and family know what I'm really like. That's what's important. "

Friends And Family

" Alan King, a comedian I adored, was considered society, and I was considered the Jewish kid from the neighborhood. "

" I busted my bird for 60 years in the business, but my grandkids only know me as Mr. Potato Head. "

" I exaggerate all our selves, our beings. I make fun of everything: of our life and what we are. But I don't tell jokes, really. I just exaggerate life, and it comes out funny. "

" I don't walk into a dinner party and say, 'You're an idiot; give me my coat.' "

" Ninety percent of the people who come to see me are my fans. "

" I don't say I was the first, because, who knows, maybe there was a guy out in Minnesota doing it before me. "

" After I graduated, I tried Broadway, which was difficult for me. It was tough to get a part on Broadway, so I just started talking to audiences at different social gatherings, and little by little I became Don Rickles - whatever that is. "

" I've never had a written script. "

" Famous people are deceptive. Deep down, they're just regular people. Like Larry King. We've been friends for forty years. He's one of the few guys I know who's really famous. One minute he's talking to the president on his cell phone, and then the next minute he's saying to me, 'Do you think we ought to give the waiter another dollar?' "

" Asians are nice people, but they burn a lot of shirts. "

" Italians are fantastic people, really. They can work you over in an alley while singing an opera. "

" I was a mother's boy. "

" Smartphones. Who cares? Smartphones. I only have dummy phones. "

" I enjoy mixed audiences, not one particular group. Short, tall, scientists, Jews, gentiles, whatever, as long as they breathe and like to laugh. "

" I call myself an actor. I always wanted to be one. "

" Many, many years ago, I stood on the stage and told bad jokes and did Sophie Tucker as an impersonation, and nobody looked up; and suddenly, I looked down and said, 'Sir, I'm getting fed up with you. Either you watch, or I'm going to suck your neck,' or words to that effect, and suddenly people started to laugh. "

" In our day we went from - we went into saloons. We couldn't cross over like you can today, get a television series and all of a sudden you're a major movie star, you know. "

" No matter where you go in this world, you will always find a Jew sitting in the beach chair next to you. "

" I don't do impressions. "

" Even when I was in high school and the Navy, I was the guy who could rip somebody, and they'd laugh at it. "

" My whole act is off the top of my head. "

" I don't like to compare myself with anybody. "