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" The next time you have a thought... let it go. "

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" I'm going to marry a Jewish woman because I like the idea of getting up Sunday morning and going to the deli. "

" That's my main flaw: I always think authority figures or my boss is going to think something I do is funny. And usually they don't. "

" It's funny - I read that women look to chiseled-faced guys for one-night stands, and to round-faced guys for marriage. When I'm rounder in the face, I like to say, 'This is my long-term look.' Or 'This is my wife-and-kids look right here.' "

Garrett Hedlund

" There is nothing in the world that I loathe more than group activity, that communal bath where the hairy and slippery mix in a multiplication of mediocrity. "

Vladimir Nabokov

" Do not let a flattering woman coax and wheedle you and deceive you; she is after your barn. "

" What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch? "

W. Clement Stone

" The avant-garde theater is fun; it is free-swinging, bold, iconoclastic, and often wildly, wildly funny. If you will approach it with childlike innocence - putting your standard responses aside, for they do not apply - if you will approach it on its own terms, I think you will be in for a liberating surprise. "

" Boston is actually the capital of the world. You didn't know that? We breed smart-ass, quippy, funny people. Not that I'm one of them. I just sorta sneaked in under the radar. "

" Macho does not prove mucho. "

" A day without sunshine is like, you know, night. "

" One man is as good as another until he has written a book. "

Benjamin Jowett

" Comedy is surprises, so if you're intending to make somebody laugh and they don't laugh, that's funny. "

" You're only as good as your last haircut. "

" One advantage of talking to yourself is that you know at least somebody's listening. "

Franklin P. Jones

" The musicals that I loved, growing up - many, many. 'Singing in the Rain,' of course, is a classic, I love 'Meet Me in St. Louis.' I love 'Funny Face,' Stanley Donen's beautiful movie. It's really countless for me. "

" Filming is a funny combination of having a good time and not being able to wait until it's over. "

Nicole Holofcener

Having A Good Time

" In entertainment, I adore Ricky Gervais in 'Derek.' His performance is unbelievably charming, funny and poignant. In life, I adore my girlfriend. She is the most adorable person I have ever met - from her silly jokes to her cute teeth to her little drawings. "

" A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore. "

" I'd love to become like Bill Murray, who was so funny on 'Saturday Night Live' and has gone on to do some of the landmark comedies people like. And then to add this whole other phase to his career with 'Lost in Translation' and 'Rushmore.' I always felt to be able to have something similar to that would be great. "

" I'm blonde and tanned and normal-sized! I'm sweet, shy, funny, have a big heart and I'm nice - and I like to eat. "

" The middle class is so funny, it's the class I know best, and it's the class where you find the most pretension, so that's what makes the middle classes so funny. "

" Men are liars. We'll lie about lying if we have to. I'm an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive. "

" I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people. "

Rodney Dangerfield

" If it's the Psychic Network why do they need a phone number? "

" Communism is like one big phone company. "

" We actually found some home videos, some really funny footage of me when I was around 3 years old. I come up to the camera to do a Nixon impression. I don't know who taught me that, but I come up to the camera and said, 'I am not a crook.' I got a really good laugh. You see me register that bringing joy to people is a positive thing. "

Annaleigh Ashford

" I discovered that funny animal pictures - memes - would get a lot of likes and shares. "

" Pretty people don't keep comedies on the air. Funny people keep comedies on the air. "

" We know that the nature of genius is to provide idiots with ideas twenty years later. "

" I love the funny and sweet moments I have with my cats, Jake and Frank, so I'm honored to be celebrating these moments at the Catdance Film Festival. "