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" Pretty people don't keep comedies on the air. Funny people keep comedies on the air. "

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" I don't care what the haters and naysayers say. If they make jokes about me, I'll laugh because they'll probably be funny. "

" I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house. "

" I was always good at being observationally funny - like, contributing something funny to the conversation. "

" I'm an unorthodox type of guy, a funny guy - at least I think I'm funny. And one of the things I like to do is come up with nicknames for myself. "

Shaquille O'Neal

" I remember straightening my hair because I wanted to be like everybody else, and now the fact that anybody would emulate what I do? It's just funny. "

" I'd say Jon Stewart has remained funny the entire time. Jon always makes it funny first. And he's just, he's talking about serious things, but in a funny way. Other comedians will talk about serious things in a serious way, and then you don't know what's going on. "

" I've always surrounded myself with funny people. "

" The way taxes are, you might as well marry for love. "

" I used to think that everything was just being funny but now I don't know. I mean, how can you tell? "

" There's nothing cure or funny or lovable about being cheap. It's a total turn-off. "

Douglas Coupland

" Keep your sense of humor, my friend; if you don't have a sense of humor it just isn't funny anymore. "

" A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul. "

George Bernard Shaw

" The musicals that I loved, growing up - many, many. 'Singing in the Rain,' of course, is a classic, I love 'Meet Me in St. Louis.' I love 'Funny Face,' Stanley Donen's beautiful movie. It's really countless for me. "

" He was like a cock who thought the sun had risen to hear him crow. "

" I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle. "

" A lot of people who claim they're political comedians are just comedians who have opinions. But they stop being funny the minute they give their opinions. "

Gilbert Gottfried

" When you're doing a medieval show like 'Pillars,' it starts off a bit like a school play. You're all in funny costumes; you've had your coffee, and you say, 'Good morning'. Then you go on set and, if you've got good actors and directors, it takes on a life of its own. "

" It sounds funny, but I always try to keep an open mind about what I'm writing about. Sometimes I squeak my opinions in there, but generally I don't. I try to be objective about things that I'm writing about. "

John Mellencamp

" I used to write out of angst. My writing was quite miserable, quite angry, even when it was funny. It was based on this sadness and tired emotional disdain for the world. "

" Why do you have to be a nonconformist like everybody else? "

" Being nice can be funny. A lot of my jokes are like, 'Let me take a bad situation and try to put the best spin on it.' "

" The reward of energy, enterprise and thrift is taxes. "

William Feather

" I never liked you, and I always will. "

" I like being funny; I like laughing with people. "

" If you're funny, if there's something that makes you laugh, then every day's going to be okay. "

" There's a darkness under 'The Hangover' because ultimately there's a missing person and it's not really that funny. There's a sort of darkness under it that I love, and still people are laughing as hard if not harder than they did in 'Old School.' "

" When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always. "

" If I were to insult people and mean it, that wouldn't be funny. "

" I have an unfortunate personality. "

" People naturally want to retweet and engage on super funny videos and memes. "