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" I'm going to marry a Jewish woman because I like the idea of getting up Sunday morning and going to the deli. "

Related Quotes:

" All men are equal before fish. "

" All generalizations are false, including this one. "

Generalizations

" Lana Turner was adorable and funny. Jimmy Stewart was such a nice person. I quickly realized that if you're not a nice person, you're not going to last in this business. I mean, once your box office starts to drop off, like Veronica Lake, they'll get rid of you fast. "

" If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it at all. And if you do have to say it, make it really funny so I can screenshot it and save it for later. "

Sabrina Carpenter

" What's funny is that the idea of popularity - even the use of the word 'popular' - is something that had been mostly absent from my life since junior high. In fact, the hallmark of life after junior high seemed to be the shedding of popularity as a central concern. "

" I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either. "

" A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it. "

" I realized I was gay in the shower one day with Barbra Streisand. It happened while I was lathering, rinsing, and repeating with Pert Plus. As I was belting out the chorus to my favorite song from 'Funny Girl,' 'Oh my man, I love him so, he'll never know...' it hit me. "

" Let's make some funny pictures. "

" I have a very low level of recognition, which is fine by me. "

" If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late. "

" Back in the '70s, like one of my favorite movies ever was 'The Bad News Bears', and that was a kids' movie, but I don't think of it that way. I think of it as just a great movie because Walter Matthau was so funny and so harsh with those kids. "

" I think I have a dark view of the world. I have to make everything funny, otherwise it all seems so sad. "

Moon Unit Zappa

" A good actor is someone who knows how to take the part and make it real and make it honest and be effective in it. If it's in a funny movie and, as long as they are cast in an appropriate way, humor will come from it. "

" I heard that people were really interested in the new haircut, which I think is so funny. Great haircut, I really like it. It goes great with the time period. And I was super, super, super-happy to have my bangs swept to the side rather than straight in front of me, which I dealt with for three seasons. I'm very, very much done with that. "

" A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree. "

" You know, Lincoln was funny. I don't think F.D.R. was very funny. But Lincoln was funny. Lincoln was really funny. But I think you should get elected first, and then show that you're funny. "

" It's always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it's just hilarious. "

" I used to work at NASA in Virginia. It was nothing glamorous; I was just tasked with making code compile for obscure projects, and I wasn't very good at it. Now I spend most of my time drawing pictures and looking at funny things on the Internet, which in retrospect is largely what I did at my old job, too. "

" But it's funny that now I'm in such a happy situation, I look more objectively at my own past and see what others have seen for a long time and I'm just so glad I've been able to get to this point. "

" If a cluttered desk is the sign of a cluttered mind, what is the significance of a clean desk? "

Laurence J. Peter

" We owe to the Middle Ages the two worst inventions of humanity - romantic love and gunpowder. "

" Life is the power that's greater than I can ever comprehend. The way life runs through everything, even the tiniest elements of nature - that makes me humble. "

" Things have to be funny first, and if they want to have a point, that's awesome. "

" Comedy is a tool of togetherness. It's a way of putting your arm around someone, pointing at something, and saying, 'Isn't it funny that we do that?' It's a way of reaching out. "

" Acceptance doesn't mean resignation; it means understanding that something is what it is and that there's got to be a way through it. "

" The laughs mean more to me than the adoration. If two girls walk up to me and one says 'you're cute', I'll say thank you, but I appreciate it much more when the other one says 'you make me laugh so much'. "

" I always felt that I came up short in the education department, but I've come to the conclusion that we all get an education. "

" And at the time, it is funny how you can look at something and say, for example with my shoulder injury, when it first happened I said this is the worst thing that could happen to me. Why me, why now? Now I look back and say it was probably the best thing that happened to me. "

" I discovered that I was part of a Parkinson's community with similar experiences and similar questions that I'd been dealing with alone. "