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" You're only as good as your last haircut. "

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" Life is funny. If you don't laugh, you're in trouble. "

" If you believe, as I do believe, in reincarnation, they say that every time you come back, it's because you have to finish something. I've a funny feeling that my thing in this life is to have one relationship after another. "

" I wanna make a jigsaw puzzle that's 40,000 pieces. And when you finish it, it says 'go outside.' "

" Most comedy is based on getting a laugh at somebody else's expense. And I find that that's just a form of bullying in a major way. So I want to be an example that you can be funny and be kind, and make people laugh without hurting somebody else's feelings. "

Ellen DeGeneres

" My favorite kind of humor is basically, if it was happening to you, it wouldn't be funny, but to observe it, it's hilarious. "

" Communism is like one big phone company. "

" They're great girls. They're very funny, they're very smart, they're fun to be with. They're very lively, as I think people can tell. And you know, they're very confident girls. "

" Leave America and you'll find that the consumers in many other countries enjoy watching advertising. Not because the products are better, but because the ads are produced to be entertaining. Sometimes they are funny. Sometimes they are dramatic. Sometimes they are just beautiful. "

" God hadn't made me handsome, but he'd given me something, I always felt: funny bones. "

" God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny. "

Garrison Keillor

" Men are only as loyal as their options. "

" Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid. "

" The telephone is a good way to talk to people without having to offer them a drink. "

" Electricity is really just organized lightning. "

" We're a phenomenally snobby society, and it's such a rich seam. The middle class is so funny: it's the class I know best, and it's the class where you find the most pretension, so that's what makes the middle classes so funny. "

" Prejudice is a great time saver. You can form opinions without having to get the facts. "

" It's funny to be in rooms where you were originally referred to as 'The Shakespeare Guy' and to suddenly be in the position where you're 'The Blockbuster Guy.' That's a pretty unusual turnabout, I must say. "

Kenneth Branagh

" Food is an important part of a balanced diet. "

" I was so afraid to even read a paper in front of my classmates. It is very funny because at that point my teachers would never have believed that I could speak in front of an audience of over 2,000 people. "

" Sometimes I'm really funny, sometimes I'm quiet, sometimes I'm shy, but I'm constantly changing. "

" My parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles were all funny, and I felt that energy, that delivery, that timing, that sarcasm. All that stuff seeped into my brain. "

" Progress was all right. Only it went on too long. "

" Viral videos aren't just about being funny. They're about identity creation. "

" I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career. "

" It's funny - I read that women look to chiseled-faced guys for one-night stands, and to round-faced guys for marriage. When I'm rounder in the face, I like to say, 'This is my long-term look.' Or 'This is my wife-and-kids look right here.' "

Garrett Hedlund

" To label me an intellectual is a misunderstanding of what that is. "

Misunderstanding

" When I turned about 12 or 13, I realised that being funny wasn't about remembering jokes. It was about creating them. "

" I no doubt deserved my enemies, but I don't believe I deserved my friends. "

" I like Ben Stein. I think he's funny, creative, and an insightful commentator on a host of issues. "

" Let's have some new cliches. "