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" I love the funny and sweet moments I have with my cats, Jake and Frank, so I'm honored to be celebrating these moments at the Catdance Film Festival. "

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" It is so cool to think that there are two female, Indian actresses on prime-time American network television who are considered attractive and funny and smart. "

" Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious. "

" Every day after school for 10 years, I was on the set of 'Married... with Children,' which is a really funny and perverse place for a little girl in a Catholic school uniform to grow up. "

" When I go to a bar, I don't go looking for a girl who knows the capital of Maine. "

" A lot of people who claim they're political comedians are just comedians who have opinions. But they stop being funny the minute they give their opinions. "

Gilbert Gottfried

" There's no such thing as soy milk. It's soy juice. "

" If you can't tell a spoon from a ladle, then you're fat! "

" Scenes change all the time. Scenes will change while you're shooting them, and you just have to roll with it 'cause that's what makes it funny. It's not being stuck in your character and how you're gonna do something, but to react to other people and to really have a real-life conversation. "

" Being a funny person does an awful lot of things to you. You feel that you mustn't get serious with people. They don't expect it from you, and they don't want to see it. You're not entitled to be serious, you're a clown. "

" It's funny: people who meet me say, 'I thought you'd be different.' But I'm still the same guy. "

" I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass. "

" Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving. "

" I got attention by being funny at school, pretending to be retarded, and jumping around with a deformed hand. "

Leonardo DiCaprio

" It has yet to be proven that intelligence has any survival value. "

Arthur C. Clarke

" When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity. "

Albert Einstein

" People say funny things all the time during really serious moments in life. "

" I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party. "

" The chief function of the body is to carry the brain around. "

Thomas A. Edison

" Who picks your clothes - Stevie Wonder? "

" I've been on stage since I was nine years old, and I kind of stumbled into the world of hosting. That, to me, was the thing I had to build a skill set for. "

" To label me an intellectual is a misunderstanding of what that is. "

Misunderstanding

" I'm like, bursting. I should be working. I don't want to take a break. It's funny, on set, I don't have to go to the bathroom, I don't have anything wrong, I'm perfectly fine, so through-and-through. I'm not hungry. I'm literally not even in my own body. "

Kristen Stewart

" The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it. "

Terry Pratchett

" Every time I do something silly, it comes off really funny because it's natural. "

Shaquille O'Neal

" There are certain sorts of jokes which have only to do with the substitution of the unexpected word in a familiar context. If you translated something into French and then had it translated back into English by somebody who didn't know the original, you'd lose what was funny. "

" The next time you have a thought... let it go. "

" It's hard to lead a cavalry charge if you think you look funny on a horse. "

Adlai E. Stevenson

" I don't write material. Funny things happen to me in the course of a day, and I just make notes. "

" My uncle Sammy was an angry man. He had printed on his tombstone: What are you looking at? "

" You see much more of your children once they leave home. "