Home
Authors
Tags
App
Get QuoteDark Inspirational Quotes App
" The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year's Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you're married to. "
P. J. O'Rourke
You
Kiss
Holiday
Related Quotes:
" Don't send funny greeting cards on birthdays or at Christmas. Save them for funerals, when their cheery effect is needed. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Christmas
Save
Funny
" The problem with public school is not overcrowding in the classroom. The problem is not teacher unions. The problem is not underfunding or lack of computer equipment. The problem is your damn kids. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Teacher
School
Problem
" Always read something that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Death
Die
Good
" Never wear anything that panics the cat. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Never
Cat
Wear
" The inherent purpose of American government is let people seek their own goals and to encourage them to be responsible on the various adventures they have on their way to those goals, good, bad, and otherwise. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Good
Goals
Purpose
" Mistreatment of al Qaeda members and their friends and hangers-on is something I number among my moral concerns. But it's number 1,000,000,001. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Something
Among
Moral
" Liberals want to live downtown. All over America - in New York, San Francisco, Chicago, Georgetown - there are crowds of liberals living in the gritty, ugly, dirty neighborhoods sensible people are trying to flee. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Live
People
Ugly
" Democrats hate Democrats most of all. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Democrats
Most
Hate
" I am unboreable in the great outdoors. "
P. J. O'Rourke
I Am
Am
Great
" It's hard to be serious in life. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Hard
Serious
Life
" My life would have gone along perfectly well, politically speaking, if it hadn't been for girls. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Gone
Been
My Life
" Of course, no one wants to ban the vote. Voting should remain available for sporting and recreational purposes. But certain types of votes clearly should be curtailed - 'assault votes,' for example, in which the only purpose of the vote is to harm others. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Others
Voting
Example
" Ending wars is very simple if you surrender. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Simple
You
Surrender
" The two most frightening words in Washington are 'bipartisan consensus.' Bipartisan consensus is when my doctor and my lawyer agree with my wife that I need help. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Wife
Words
Need
" The great apologist has to have lived large and wild. If he's going to kiss the world's boo-boos and make up, he'd better plant some bruises first. A master apologizer has to be a Lord Byron, a Rick in Casablanca, a Lee Atwater, anyway. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Great
Better
Plant
" In Henry Adams, I discovered not only the prototype of the modern thinker but also someone who is more interesting: a viper-toothed, puling, supercilious crank, thwarted in ambition, aging gracelessly, mad at the cosmos, and ashamed of his own jejune ideals. He is nevertheless very dear to me. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Aging
Me
Mad
" There is no horizon in Toledo. There are too many trees. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Many
Horizon
Trees
" What would annoy the most people most often? That is the true left-wing test of government intervention. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Most
People
Test
" Adam Smith pointed out that there were three things that make us more prosperous, in a general sort of way: freedom to pursue our own self-interest; specialization, which he called division of labor; and freedom of trade. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Own
Three
Way
" I don't watch much television. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Television
Much
Watch
" Wealth brings great benefits to the world. Rich people are heros. "
P. J. O'Rourke
World
Great
People
" There is only one thing that gives me hope as a Republican, and that is the Democrats. It's going to be hard to do a worse job running American than the Republicans have, but if anybody can do it, it's the Democrats. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Republican
American
Hope
" To blame the existence of al Qaeda on poverty like Egypt's is a slur on the poor. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Existence
Poverty
Blame
" In Toledo, people grow out. Out to the suburbs. Out to the parts of America where the economy is more vigorous. And all too often, out to 48-inch waistbands. "
P. J. O'Rourke
More
Grow
People
" I was very much in favor of the Iraq invasion. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Much
Very
Invasion
" Love can never be fully explained. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Love
Explained
Fully
" I'm a political conservative. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Conservative
Political
" Disney's House of the Future had the clean simplicity prized in the 1950s as relief from decades of frayed patchwork, jury-rigging, and make-do clutter caused by Depression and war. "
P. J. O'Rourke
War
Depression
Future
" The most futuristic aspect of the House of the Future was that it was made almost entirely of plastic. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Most
House
Almost
" Everybody with a gun has a checkpoint in Lebanon. And in Lebanon, you'd be crazy not to have a gun. Though, I assure you, all the crazy people have guns, too. "
P. J. O'Rourke
People
You
Crazy