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" The trouble ain't that there is too many fools, but that the lightning ain't distributed right. "

Related Quotes:

" I have never taken any exercise, except sleeping and resting, and I never intend to take any. "

" Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet. "

" It ain't those parts of the Bible that I can't understand that bother me, it is the parts that I do understand. "

" Work is a necessary evil to be avoided. "

" The most interesting information comes from children, for they tell all they know and then stop. "

" The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year. "

" It was wonderful to find America, but it would have been more wonderful to miss it. "

" Better a broken promise than none at all. "

" Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please. "

" The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not. "

" If you hold a cat by the tail you learn things you cannot learn any other way. "

" Under certain circumstances, urgent circumstances, desperate circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer. "

" My books are like water; those of the great geniuses are wine. (Fortunately) everybody drinks water. "

" Optimist: day dreamer more elegantly spelled. "

" Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured. "

" When people do not respect us we are sharply offended; yet in his private heart no man much respects himself. "

" It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling. "

" Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very'; your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be. "

" A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval. "

" I came in with Halley's Comet in 1835. It is coming again next year, and I expect to go out with it. It will be the greatest disappointment of my life if I don't go out with Halley's Comet. The Almighty has said, no doubt: 'Now here are these two unaccountable freaks; they came in together, they must go out together.' "

" The very ink with which history is written is merely fluid prejudice. "

" Education consists mainly of what we have unlearned. "

" Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre, but they are more deadly in the long run. "

" Everything has its limit - iron ore cannot be educated into gold. "

" Truth is mighty and will prevail. There is nothing wrong with this, except that it ain't so. "

" You can't depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus. "

" Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education. "

College Education

" The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them. "

" I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week sometimes to make it up. "

" The man who is a pessimist before 48 knows too much; if he is an optimist after it, he knows too little. "