Get QuoteDark Inspirational Quotes App

" To me, comedy is a game. "

Related Quotes:

" The shortest feedback loop I can think of is doing improvisation in front of an audience. "

" For example, I was a White House intern the summer before I dropped out of law school. Everybody knew about it. I'd come home and go to church and everybody would say, 'Oh, my God. Demetri, you're working at the White House.' "

" I wonder what the most intelligent thing ever said was that started with the word 'dude.' 'Dude, these are isotopes.' 'Dude, we removed your kidney. You're gonna be fine.' 'Dude, I am so stoked to win this Nobel Prize. I just wanna thank Kevin, and Turtle, and all my homies.' "

" Stand-up is like a row boat: it's fun and romantic when you're choosing to do it. But if you have no other choice than to be in a row boat it's not as enjoyable; that's survival. "

" I went into a clothing store, and the lady asked me what size I was. I said, 'Actual'. I'm not to scale. "

" Swimming is a confusing sport, because sometimes you do it for fun, and other times you do it to not die. And when I'm swimming, sometimes I'm not sure which one it is. "

" I went to law school. I found it interesting for the first three weeks. "

" If I ever saw an amputee getting hanged, I'd probably just start calling out letters. "

" I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wrong paper. See, the paper I used said 'Happy Birthday' on it. I didn't want to waste it so I just wrote 'Jesus' on it. "

" When I was a kid, I always wanted to live in California because I liked skateboarding. "

" Whenever I'm on my computer, I don't type 'lol'. I type 'lqtm' - laugh quietly to myself. It's more honest. "

" I do come across people who don't like me, don't like my comedy, don't think it's funny, it's too cutesy, or whatever they hate. And it's like, 'Okay. That's your opinion. Somebody liked it, so that's good.' Hopefully it balances out. "

" Sometimes I use my jokes as building blocks for larger bits. I like to draw and play music, so sometimes I do those things along with the jokes. "

" Usually, I walk around and think about things. When I come across a thought that makes me laugh, I write it down. "

" I'd love to win trophies, be in movies, have a body of work I'm proud of and find a way to enjoy it along the way. Success is probably a more of a complicated thing than that. "

" It feels like every day or two, people on Twitter and the Internet are outraged about something. "

" I was a good student when I was a kid, and I did everything I was supposed to do, and I got A's. "

" Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time. "

" I thought I would, you know, go to college, get to law school, finish, and then get a job and work as a lawyer, but that proved to be not a good fit for me. "

" I love Steven Wright. I was in high school in the '80s, and there was a lot of stand up on television. "

" They say that structure is freedom, and in a sense it is. When you're dealing with multiple constraints, you have to figure out what you can get out of that. "

" I started being a comedy fan when I was, I'm going to guess, like 5 or 6 years old. "

" I didn't do improv in college, I never performed, I didn't do theater either. I was in student government, I was a history major. "

" I just know keeping track of what I'm doing and where I'm going is important to me. "

" Nothing wise was ever printed upon an apron. "

" I'm always excited to try something I haven't done. "

" People only have so much attention. "

" I like video games, but they are very violent. I want to create a video game in which you have to help all the characters who have died in the other games. 'Hey, man, what are you playing?' 'Super Busy Hospital. Could you leave me alone? I'm performing surgery! This guy got shot in the head, like, 27 times!' "

" It's funny: when people always talk about the importance of role models, I used to think that was so exaggerated, but as I get older, I start to realize I don't feel that way so much anymore. If you see somebody like you who's doing something, an older version of what you are, it does make you feel like it's more possible. "

" I like women, but you can't always trust them. Some of them are big liars, like this one woman I met who had a dog. I asked her her dog's name and then I asked, 'Does he bite?' and she said, 'No.' And I said, 'So how does he eat?' Liar! "