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" I started being a comedy fan when I was, I'm going to guess, like 5 or 6 years old. "
Demetri Martin
Years
Started
Old
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" I never set out to do a sketch show. "
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" I keep a lighter in my back pocket all the time. I'm not a smoker, I just really like certain songs. "
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" I went to law school. I found it interesting for the first three weeks. "
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" I think a lot of stuff I find funny is from day dreaming. "
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" I am completely attracted to the idea of simplicity, or at least removing things that seem unnecessary when trying to get an idea out there. "
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" Another term for balloon is bad breath holder. "
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" Nothing wise was ever printed upon an apron. "
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" I love Steven Wright. I was in high school in the '80s, and there was a lot of stand up on television. "
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" And my only rule being if when I wake in the morning I'm looking forward to the things that I have to do that day, then I'm on the right track. "
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" I know about Woodstock probably as much as your average person who is over 30, where I'd know Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, Grateful Dead. "
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" The bird, the bee, the running child are all the same to the sliding glass door. "
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" Stand-up is like a row boat: it's fun and romantic when you're choosing to do it. But if you have no other choice than to be in a row boat it's not as enjoyable; that's survival. "
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" I wasn't even a big comedy nerd. A lot of the comedians I know - a lot of my friends are comedians - they knew a lot about comedy growing up. "
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" Stand up is really fun because if I think of a joke or a funny idea, then I can just go and tell some people and if they laugh, they laugh right away. "
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" I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wrong paper. See, the paper I used said 'Happy Birthday' on it. I didn't want to waste it so I just wrote 'Jesus' on it. "
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" I like video games, but they are very violent. I want to create a video game in which you have to help all the characters who have died in the other games. 'Hey, man, what are you playing?' 'Super Busy Hospital. Could you leave me alone? I'm performing surgery! This guy got shot in the head, like, 27 times!' "
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" I have fun acting, and I want to do more of it, and I want to direct my own movie. "
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" Sometimes I use my jokes as building blocks for larger bits. I like to draw and play music, so sometimes I do those things along with the jokes. "
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" I just know keeping track of what I'm doing and where I'm going is important to me. "
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" I wonder what the most intelligent thing ever said was that started with the word 'dude.' 'Dude, these are isotopes.' 'Dude, we removed your kidney. You're gonna be fine.' 'Dude, I am so stoked to win this Nobel Prize. I just wanna thank Kevin, and Turtle, and all my homies.' "
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" And as far as actors go, Peter Sellers is my all-time favorite. "
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" There's a store in my neighborhood called Futon World. I like that name, 'Futon World.' Makes me think of a magical place that gets less and less comfortable over time. "
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" I do come across people who don't like me, don't like my comedy, don't think it's funny, it's too cutesy, or whatever they hate. And it's like, 'Okay. That's your opinion. Somebody liked it, so that's good.' Hopefully it balances out. "
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" It's funny: when people always talk about the importance of role models, I used to think that was so exaggerated, but as I get older, I start to realize I don't feel that way so much anymore. If you see somebody like you who's doing something, an older version of what you are, it does make you feel like it's more possible. "
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" If I ever saw an amputee getting hanged, I'd probably just start calling out letters. "
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" A lot of people don't like bumper stickers. I don't mind bumper stickers. To me a bumper sticker is a shortcut. It's like a little sign that says 'Hey, let's never hang out.' "
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" I've often liked a girl, made her laugh, and thought she liked me, and then found out that she didn't like me that way. I've definitely done time in the friend zone. "
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" To me, comedy is a game. "
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Comedy
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Game