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" My children did not go through a stage of being rude to their parents. I'm sorry if that sounds incredible. "
Judith Martin
Children
Rude
Sorry
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" The mistake people keep making is that if they find a wonderful new tool, like email, they have to give up all others. They don't. You have simply added another very useful means to your communications repertoire. "
Judith Martin
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Others
Mistake
" There are three social classes in America: upper middle class, middle class, and lower middle class. "
Judith Martin
Class
America
Middle
" I make a distinction between manners and etiquette - manners as the principles, which are eternal and universal, etiquette as the particular rules which are arbitrary and different in different times, different situations, different cultures. "
Judith Martin
Rules
Principles
Manners
" Chaperons, even in their days of glory, were almost never able to enforce morality; what they did was to force immorality to be discreet. This is no small contribution. "
Judith Martin
Small
Morality
Glory
" The greater the controversy, the more you need manners. "
Judith Martin
You
Controversy
Manners
" Learn graceful ways of saying no and of pointing out that this pressure to do something is not in line with most people's wishes. "
Judith Martin
Pressure
Learn
Wishes
" If written directions alone would suffice, libraries wouldn't need to have the rest of the universities attached. "
Judith Martin
Directions
Alone
Need
" I try to behave myself, and I succeed. "
Judith Martin
Try
Behave
Myself
" We are born charming, fresh and spontaneous and must be civilized before we are fit to participate in society. "
Judith Martin
Must
Spontaneous
Fresh
" Most people who work at home find they do not have the benefit of receptionists who serve as personal guards. "
Judith Martin
Work
Find
Home
" Email is very informal, a memo. But I find that not signing off or not having a salutation bothers me. "
Judith Martin
Signing
Off
Me
" When people start hurling insults at you, you know their minds are closed and there's no point in debating. You disengage yourself as quickly as possible from the situation. "
Judith Martin
People
Know
Yourself
" Hypocrisy is not generally a social sin, but a virtue. "
Judith Martin
Sin
Hypocrisy
Virtue
" People read informality as, 'Do whatever you feel like,' and whatever you feel like might be disastrous. "
Judith Martin
Like
You
Whatever
" Honesty has come to mean the privilege of insulting you to your face without expecting redress. "
Judith Martin
Mean
Face
Honesty
" The language of clothing is high symbolism and we all, in moments where we need to know this, realize it. "
Judith Martin
Language
Realize
Need
" You do not have to do everything disagreeable that you have a right to do. "
Judith Martin
Right
You
Everything
" When a society abandons its ideals just because most people can't live up to them, behavior gets very ugly indeed. "
Judith Martin
Behavior
Ugly
Society
" Parents should conduct their arguments in quiet, respectful tones, but in a foreign language. You'd be surprised what an inducement that is to the education of children. "
Judith Martin
Language
Parents
Children
" Chaperons don't enforce morality; they force immorality to be discreet. "
Judith Martin
Force
Discreet
Immorality
" For email, the old postcard rule applies. Nobody else is supposed to read your postcards, but you'd be a fool if you wrote anything private on one. "
Judith Martin
You
Anything
Fool
" Freedom without rules doesn't work. And communities do not work unless they are regulated by etiquette. "
Judith Martin
Freedom
Etiquette
Work
" Over the last couple of decades, the personalization of the office changed dramatically... there's an informality people often take for the absence of rules - which it's not. "
Judith Martin
Last
Rules
People
" You glance at an e-mail. You give more attention to a real letter. "
Judith Martin
Letter
You
Real
" I am a traditionalist, and I'm an innovator. Most of what I do is to weigh change and legislate to the best of my ability on what should change and what should not. Do I have a respect for tradition? Of course I do. Do I have a blind belief in it? No. "
Judith Martin
Change
I Am
Respect
" It's far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help. "
Judith Martin
Good
Help
More
" Many people mistakenly think a new technology cancels out an old one. "
Judith Martin
New
People
Out
" Presents are symbolic. When you give them in your personal life, they should show that you are paying attention to the person to whom you're giving them. "
Judith Martin
Life
Attention
Giving
" First. I began my career as a copy girl. and the White House coverage, for example, was in the then-Women's section. So it was social coverage. It wasn't news, although we often got rather startling news out of it. "
Judith Martin
House
White
Career
" Being polite does not mean being mummified. "
Judith Martin
Polite
Being
Does