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" I'd rather send out a mass email then hang posters all over the place. "

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" I guess there seems to be clubs opening up again, which is strange. "

" Only lately, like within the last few years, have I had people actually do an impression of me to me, which weirds me out to think of what they have picked up on, without ever realizing it myself. "

" I mean, I guess I started during the comedy boom, so it was literally like, on Sunday you could decide you wanted to be a comic, and on Monday, you could be on stage. "

" You come there and hang out and have a drink before the show and eat, so it's not that brutal. It's only $6. "

" It's cool to go to a place that has posters up and it's one night only. It feels more special. "

" I like pens. My writing is so amazing there's never a need to erase. "

" I loved Australia. I was very successful there. "

" I'm traveling the world, ripping rooms apart with my stupendous comedy. "

" There's people that are just in awe of what you do, and then there are people who just think it's garbage. And I think there are people who are just uncomfortable seeing someone have fun with their job. "

" People in New York love having roof parties. "

" I've never been a TV junkie. I remember watching Letterman way back when he had a morning show. "

" I used to write things out beforehand. But sometimes it backfires. "

" I don't really know much about pirates, or pirate culture. I'd be a contrarian pirate. "

" I had some friends that tried it down there, and I went to a couple of open mics, and I just kind of got this... this sick urge to try it instead of just watching it. "

" Anyone who bombs is my friend. "

" I don't feel I'm even worthy of a normal amount of value. "

" Buddha, much like everyone else has good and bad days. "

" I had temping jobs also. I liked the flexibility. There was no asking for time off; you just didn't work. "

" And the goal really is to make the audience laugh, to bring them some joy. "

" I was probably just trying to be Dennis Miller, but without the vocabulary to actually be Dennis Miller. I guess I was just less interesting than I am now, if I am interesting at all. "

" I mean, I've had bartenders and waiters and waitresses make a comment about a joke of mine, like pointing out some sort of logic error or something that I've never even thought about, and they're right. "

" I do not like sports, unless you consider treating all humankind with love and respect a sport. "

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" I liked the koala, wallaby, and I chilled with a kangaroo a bit. There was a wombat that I quite enjoyed also. "

" It was actually 3 years between albums. That seems like a long time to me. "

" I would call it a comedy variety show. We have some people just doing straight standup. We usually try to have one musical act of sort. So its just people being funny in different ways, not just sketch, not just standup, not just characters, all of those things. "

" I did end up doing substitute teaching, but there's not a lot of teaching involved in that. "