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" I like to go after the foibles, basically of beliefs that are held without question. If people still want to believe in their stuff after that, that's great - as long as they just have a chance to step back and look at it for a second. Sometimes, you don't even realize what you've been thinking for 20 years. "

Elayne Boosler

Great

Chance

People

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" I am thankful that geniuses and artists and good people, no matter how hard it is, will eventually be recognized. I am doubly thankful that also goes for idiots. "

" While editors and newspaper owners currently fret over shrinking readership and lost profits, they do the one thing that insures cutting their own throats; they keep reducing space for the one feature that attracts new young readers in the first place; the comic strips. "

" We have wild animals in zoos, yet people rarely meet their 'food' face to face. "

" I wasn't funny as a kid. I remember enjoying comedians, but I never understood it was a job choice or a profession. "

" For me, comedy is a day-to-day report on the human condition. It's what's happening right now. I get maybe 20 minutes of my act straight from the newspaper. "

Elayne Boosler

Human

Newspaper

" Incredibly, almost every hotel I ever played in Vegas was blown up shortly afterward: The Dunes, The Sands, The Landmark, The Aladdin, The Frontier, The Hacienda, The Stardust - all were imploded. "

" I just get the feeling that if Jesse Helms was in charge of art in America, you'd go into a museum and see nothing but prints of dogs playing cards. "

" The Vatican is against surrogate mothers. Good thing they didn't have that rule when Jesus was born. "

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" When the sun comes up, I have morals again. "

Elayne Boosler

Again

Morals

" I know what men want. Men want to be really, really close to someone who will leave them alone. "

" I don't categorize myself. I don't think I'm perceived as a female act by my audience. My fans include just as many men as women. "

" I have no complaints about losing money I put in high-risk investments. I did some of that when I had real money; my informed choice, my measured gamble. "

" When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking. "

" I'm just a person trapped inside a woman's body. "

" Wouldn't it be great to see a line in all movie credits that truthfully says, 'Nobody was harmed in the making of this film, and at the cast party, all animals got a belly belly belly rub.' "

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" I can't get married. I can't fake sleep for 30 years. "

" Stand-up is like a movie every night. You write it, direct it, produce it, the audience votes, and you go home. There's nothing more satisfying. "

Elayne Boosler

Audience

You

" I've thought for the last decade or so, the only actual place raw truth was seeping through in newspapers was on the Comics Pages. They were able to pull off intelligent social comment, pure truths not found elsewhere in the news pages, and had the ability to make it all funny, entertaining, and pertinent. "

" Calgary wins for my coldest New Year's Eve gig. That's when I learned Fahrenheit and Celsius cross at 40 below. I could see callers' breath coming out of my phone. "