Get QuoteDark Inspirational Quotes App

" If you want a transcript of tonight's program, get a pen and write down everything I said. "

Related Quotes:

" When I would see my friends with their kids, I was envious that you can use children to get out of just about anything. If you don't feel like going to a dinner party, you could say, 'My kid's sick. I can't make it.' Who's gonna argue with you? "

" I play a lot of sports. I'm not real good at any of them. I'm above adequate. "

" I'm probably more of a stand-up comedian than an actor. "

" I have a wandering eye and a lazy eye so they cancel each other out. It's a push. "

" I really enjoyed working on the 2009 film, 'Aliens in the Attic,' because it was shot in New Zealand and I got to visit there for the first time. "

" I always tell people if you think you are susceptible to a blood clot, go check with your doctor. "

" You see things through a different lens when you have a child. "

" Definitely not a TV junkie. I only record shows I want to see but usually never get around to watching them. "

" I think there's a part of me that might be my alter ago, like the carefree, do-what-he-wants kind of guy, because I've been so restrained most of my life, going to Catholic school and being the good son and the good husband. It's a fun escape route for me sometimes to lead that life. "

" I met Adam Sandler through 'Saturday Night Live,' and we became friends. "

" Every time I think of Doug Wilson, I think 'pathetic.' When it comes between something for himself or something for righteousness, he'll choose himself. "

" It is a great rush to come up with a joke that gets a good response from the audience. It's gold! "

" The thing is when I started doing standup, you had to have a clean act because that's how you got on television. There weren't all these cable shows. Also, I didn't want to have that kind of act in case my family came to see me or my kid one day. "

" Every homeless puppy and kitten was born to parents who weren't spayed or neutered. I'm proud to support PETA's work to prevent animal homelessness. "

" I tend to listen to Sirius XM Radio. "

" Standup really is a young man's game, a single young man's game. Even when I was younger, when I wasn't single, it was hard to be on the road because you go through relationships because your girlfriend kinda got tired of you being gone. "

" Sometimes people come to my standup show, and they think they're going to see Doug Wilson. Or they see me on the street, and they call me Doug Wilson. "

" My heart started running away, like a pack of horses. Then it slowed down and became irregular. "

" It's kind of fun when you're playing characters that aren't quite on the up and up and people still like you. "

" I'm Kevin Nealon, and that's news to me. "

" I grew up watching stand-ups and thought it was so entertaining and unique - you didn't see that as a job description anywhere. "

" Curb Your Enthusiasm, is not so much about Hollywood. It's more about Larry's weaknesses. "

" Don't play dead with a vulture. That's exactly what they want. "

" I lived in Germany from when I was 6 until I was 10, so, of course, I played soccer. When I came back to the States, nobody played soccer, and none of the schools taught German, so I couldn't continue to excel in those categories. "

" I'm a member of the Studio City Driving Range. They have a nice little par-3 AstroTurf course and driving range. You know, I don't belong to a course because I don't golf that much, so it's not worth it for me to join a club. "

" Basically, I'm a people pleaser who has a knack for disappointing. "

" I recently purchased an iPad 2 because I didn't want to wait for the iPad 3 and iPad 4. "

" When I first began doing TV pilots, my expectations were high. I didn't understand that world. So when 'Weeds' took off, I was so happy. Especially as I was just a guest star in the pilot. But once it got picked up, they made me a regular cast member. "

" I became a vegetarian after I became aware of factory farming and slaughterhouses and the torture and inhumane handling of all these animals. "

" Print is definitely more nutritious. When I leave a website, I'm hungry again an hour later - especially the Chinese websites. "