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" Against the assault of laughter, nothing can stand. "
Mark Twain
Nothing
Against
Laughter
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" Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it. "
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" Thunder is good, thunder is impressive; but it is lightning that does the work. "
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" I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened. "
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" It is just like man's vanity and impertinence to call an animal dumb because it is dumb to his dull perceptions. "
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" The main difference between a cat and a lie is that a cat only has nine lives. "
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Only
" The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter. "
Mark Twain
Race
Human
Human Race
" A person who won't read has no advantage over one who can't read. "
Mark Twain
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" Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet. "
Mark Twain
Find
God
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" I was seldom able to see an opportunity until it had ceased to be one. "
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" The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not. "
Mark Twain
Health
Drink
Diet
" The human race is a race of cowards; and I am not only marching in that procession but carrying a banner. "
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" I never smoke to excess - that is, I smoke in moderation, only one cigar at a time. "
Mark Twain
Never
Time
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" It were not best that we should all think alike; it is difference of opinion that makes horse races. "
Mark Twain
Think
Difference
Best
" If you hold a cat by the tail you learn things you cannot learn any other way. "
Mark Twain
Cat
Learn
Hold
" Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it. "
Mark Twain
Policy
Best
Honesty
" The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes. "
Mark Twain
Medical
Changes
Bible
" I came in with Halley's Comet in 1835. It is coming again next year, and I expect to go out with it. It will be the greatest disappointment of my life if I don't go out with Halley's Comet. The Almighty has said, no doubt: 'Now here are these two unaccountable freaks; they came in together, they must go out together.' "
Mark Twain
Disappointment
My Life
Life
" Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits. "
Mark Twain
Other
People
Nothing
" India has 2,000,000 gods and worships them all. In religion, all other countries are paupers; India is the only millionaire. "
Mark Twain
Millionaire
Gods
India
" When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained. "
Mark Twain
Life
Mad
Disappear
" It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not deserve them. "
Mark Twain
Deserve
Them
Than
" Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect. "
Mark Twain
Time
Yourself
You
" Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow. "
Mark Twain
Off
After
Day
" Water, taken in moderation, cannot hurt anybody. "
Mark Twain
Anybody
Cannot
Hurt
" Be careless in your dress if you must, but keep a tidy soul. "
Mark Twain
Keep
Dress
Careless
" When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not. "
Mark Twain
Happened
Younger
Remember
" What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin. "
Mark Twain
Only
Difference
Your
" Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured. "
Mark Twain
Harm
Anger
Acid
" The rule is perfect: in all matters of opinion our adversaries are insane. "
Mark Twain
Perfect
Insane
Rule
" There is no distinctly American criminal class - except Congress. "
Mark Twain
Class
Criminal
Congress