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" I've been running my whole life. Running into bars, running around the world. But when you have a child, you can't run. That was a revelation. "

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" My pilot's license. I'm proud of that. "

" HD doesn't mean anything to me. It's a technical thing. It's like demographics. A lot of people know about it. "

" I am reasonably happy. I didn't find Jesus or anything like that. Part of it is that I just feel that I could go home. I did not feel like that for a long time, but I could go back now. "

" When I went out on tour as Bing Hitler I would hook up with Lenny and we'd get drunk together. He was always very supportive. He was a big star and a lot of what he said to me had power and impact. Apart from that, I just like him. "

" I think I'm just someone that just tries to get by. I'm kind of - if it was during the Second World War, I'd be a black marketeer, I think. "

" I just do my thing and try each show to be more honest about why I am and who I am. It's quite tricky and actually nerve-racking to do that. It's kind of a happy train wreck. "

" I realized women and humor were linked very closely. "

" It's the beauty and curse of doing a daily show. Some days you've got nothing to talk about and other days Dick Cheney shoots his lawyer in the face and everyone is happy. "

" A lot of people come to L.A. looking for something. What I came here for, I realize now, is to be okay with myself. "

" I'm careful with money. "

" For me, comedy should have a certain amount of joy in it. It should be about attacking the powerful - the politicians, the Trumps, the blowhards - going after them. We shouldn't be attacking the vulnerable. "

" I'm crazy. I know I'm crazy 'cause Desmond Tutu told me, and he's very clever. He said, 'You must free yourself, be more of who you are. Be more crazy.' And I'm going to. "

" I am probably a pseudo-intellectual. "

" I've started looking at my own father a bit funny. He assures me, though, that I really am the son of a Scottish postman. "

" If Scotland and America go to war, I'm afraid I've already sworn in. "

" I aim to please. I'm nothing if not a vaudevillian. "

" I used to psych myself up before the show and now I do the complete opposite: I psych myself down. It's 12:30 at night, you don't want some guy yelling at you. You want some guy just talking to you. "

" Being an American is something I wanted to be for a very long time, probably since I saw the moon landing when I was a child. "

" The wedding took place in Vermont, where they have legalized gay civil unions, and I married a woman. "

" The idea of having Australians upset at me is just awful. "

" I'm a terrible interviewer. I'm not a journalist - although I have a Peabody Award - and I'm not really a late-night host. What I am is honest. "

" I come from a very critical culture. You know the Scots. They're always saying: 'Oh, no. It will never work. You'll never amount to anything. You've got to know your place in the world.' "

" Is it really that important? It's just television, for God's sake. It's not medicine or something. "

" I've got young kids, so it suits me to do a job which keeps me in town right now. "

" I came to America, and I made good. It's an old story, but it hasn't been told in a long time. Usually, it's, 'I'm an immigrant, I came here and got persecuted.' My story is I came here, I worked hard, and it worked out all right. So it's still available. "

" I'm reading a book, because I'm brainy. No, it is a book - if you don't know, it is like a blog except bigger. "

" All they teach you in drama school is how to do stage fights and be a pain in rehearsals. "

" I have to do a show which is of interest to me, or else I'm lost. "

" Why do people do things that they fear? It may be that the fear contains information. Something can be interesting if you get to the other side of that fear. "

" I got sober. I stopped killing myself with alcohol. I began to think: 'Wait a minute - if I can stop doing this, what are the possibilities?' And slowly it dawned on me that it was maybe worth the risk. "