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" And as far as actors go, Peter Sellers is my all-time favorite. "
Demetri Martin
Far
Go
Favorite
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" It's funny: when people always talk about the importance of role models, I used to think that was so exaggerated, but as I get older, I start to realize I don't feel that way so much anymore. If you see somebody like you who's doing something, an older version of what you are, it does make you feel like it's more possible. "
Demetri Martin
Doing
You
Think
" I know about Woodstock probably as much as your average person who is over 30, where I'd know Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, Grateful Dead. "
Demetri Martin
Average
Grateful
Person
" To me, comedy is a game. "
Demetri Martin
Comedy
Me
Game
" If I ever saw an amputee getting hanged, I'd probably just start calling out letters. "
Demetri Martin
Start
Calling
Just
" But long story short, I didn't start doing stand-up because I wanted to have a TV show or be an actor or even wanted to write sketch comedy. I got into stand-up because I love stand-up. "
Demetri Martin
Long
Story
Doing
" Okay, so, when I was a kid, definitely the drawings and the illustration. Then I stopped in sixth grade or so. And then I started again when I was in my twenties. I really didn't progress since then, so the way I draw is the way I drew in sixth grade. "
Demetri Martin
Way
Progress
Again
" I tend to avoid televisions, politics, and places with velvet ropes. "
Demetri Martin
Places
Politics
Velvet
" People only have so much attention. "
Demetri Martin
Attention
People
Only
" People and squirrels are very different. Most people will not argue that. But I find that there is one situation in which they're very similar. And that is: when I am driving towards them in my car. Then they're kind of hard to tell apart - especially if the human is kind of hairy. "
Demetri Martin
Car
Driving
I Am
" When I was a kid, I always wanted to live in California because I liked skateboarding. "
Demetri Martin
Always
Live
Skateboarding
" I'm always excited to try something I haven't done. "
Demetri Martin
Always
Excited
Done
" Let no man's deathbed be a futon. "
Demetri Martin
Deathbed
Man
" I went to law school. I found it interesting for the first three weeks. "
Demetri Martin
Three
Interesting
First
" I saw a transvestite wearing a T-shirt that said 'Guess'. "
Demetri Martin
Said
Wearing
T-Shirt
" As a creative person, you want to have a foothold and sense of progress. "
Demetri Martin
You
Creative
Person
" Specifically in stand-up, I love jokes. I love short, structured ideas and a punchline. "
Demetri Martin
I Love
Love
Short
" When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults. "
Demetri Martin
Friend
Fat
You
" Stand-up is like a row boat: it's fun and romantic when you're choosing to do it. But if you have no other choice than to be in a row boat it's not as enjoyable; that's survival. "
Demetri Martin
Romantic
Fun
Survival
" I do come across people who don't like me, don't like my comedy, don't think it's funny, it's too cutesy, or whatever they hate. And it's like, 'Okay. That's your opinion. Somebody liked it, so that's good.' Hopefully it balances out. "
Demetri Martin
People
Me
Think
" I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wrong paper. See, the paper I used said 'Happy Birthday' on it. I didn't want to waste it so I just wrote 'Jesus' on it. "
Demetri Martin
Happy
Birthday
Christmas
" I think that when you get dressed in the morning, sometimes you're really making a decision about your behavior for the day. Like if you put on flipflops, you're saying: 'Hope I don't get chased today.' 'Be nice to people in sneakers.' "
Demetri Martin
Decision
Today
Morning
" It feels like every day or two, people on Twitter and the Internet are outraged about something. "
Demetri Martin
Internet
Every Day
People
" I love catching a snapshot of something that is just about to happen. Or maybe something that just happened, you know. But I like especially that just-before kind of feeling. "
Demetri Martin
Know
You
Love
" I think, at first blush, the '60s always enticed me. There's something about the '60s, it's not hard to like it. "
Demetri Martin
Hard
Always
Blush
" I am completely attracted to the idea of simplicity, or at least removing things that seem unnecessary when trying to get an idea out there. "
Demetri Martin
I Am
Out
Trying
" I was student council president in high school, and even in law school, I was vice-president of the student bar association. "
Demetri Martin
School
Law
Student
" But I found that disappointing people is a good thing, because disapproval is freedom. "
Demetri Martin
Freedom
Found
Because
" I went into a clothing store, and the lady asked me what size I was. I said, 'Actual'. I'm not to scale. "
Demetri Martin
Lady
Scale
Said
" I'd love to win trophies, be in movies, have a body of work I'm proud of and find a way to enjoy it along the way. Success is probably a more of a complicated thing than that. "
Demetri Martin
Success
Proud
Love
" As a comic, I think I'm very verbally oriented about a lot of the stuff that I've written or thought up and how I say it. "
Demetri Martin
Thought
Up
Think