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" I love catching a snapshot of something that is just about to happen. Or maybe something that just happened, you know. But I like especially that just-before kind of feeling. "

Demetri Martin

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You

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" I think since I was kid people told me that they thought I was funny. "

Demetri Martin

Funny

Kid

" I never set out to do a sketch show. "

" The shortest feedback loop I can think of is doing improvisation in front of an audience. "

" Stand up is really fun because if I think of a joke or a funny idea, then I can just go and tell some people and if they laugh, they laugh right away. "

" They say that structure is freedom, and in a sense it is. When you're dealing with multiple constraints, you have to figure out what you can get out of that. "

" I wanna make a jigsaw puzzle that's 40,000 pieces. And when you finish it, it says 'go outside.' "

Demetri Martin

Funny

Finish

" As a creative person, you want to have a foothold and sense of progress. "

" Nothing wise was ever printed upon an apron. "

" Saying, 'I'm sorry' is the same as saying, ' I apologize.' Except at a funeral. "

" Whenever I'm on my computer, I don't type 'lol'. I type 'lqtm' - laugh quietly to myself. It's more honest. "

Demetri Martin

Laugh

Computer

" I like women, but you can't always trust them. Some of them are big liars, like this one woman I met who had a dog. I asked her her dog's name and then I asked, 'Does he bite?' and she said, 'No.' And I said, 'So how does he eat?' Liar! "

" Specifically in stand-up, I love jokes. I love short, structured ideas and a punchline. "

" I didn't do improv in college, I never performed, I didn't do theater either. I was in student government, I was a history major. "

" I like stand-up. But I'd also like a family and house and a yard. I want to work with a lot of people, have colleagues; and on good film sets, there's people there that work with the same people for years and years. I love that collaborative spirit in that medium. Comedy is a lot more solitary. "

" But long story short, I didn't start doing stand-up because I wanted to have a TV show or be an actor or even wanted to write sketch comedy. I got into stand-up because I love stand-up. "

" Another term for balloon is bad breath holder. "

" It seems that two of the most basic forms of comedy are jokes and stories. And, of course, they are not mutually exclusive. "

" I do come across people who don't like me, don't like my comedy, don't think it's funny, it's too cutesy, or whatever they hate. And it's like, 'Okay. That's your opinion. Somebody liked it, so that's good.' Hopefully it balances out. "

Demetri Martin

People

Think

" I'm always excited to try something I haven't done. "

" I have fun acting, and I want to do more of it, and I want to direct my own movie. "

" And my only rule being if when I wake in the morning I'm looking forward to the things that I have to do that day, then I'm on the right track. "

" I like fruit baskets because it gives you the ability to mail someone a piece of fruit without appearing insane. Like, if someone just mailed you an apple you'd be like, 'huh? What the hell is this?' But if it's in a fruit basket you're like, 'this is nice!' "

" The bird, the bee, the running child are all the same to the sliding glass door. "

" People only have so much attention. "

" I'd love to win trophies, be in movies, have a body of work I'm proud of and find a way to enjoy it along the way. Success is probably a more of a complicated thing than that. "

" When I was a kid, I always wanted to live in California because I liked skateboarding. "

" My plumbing is all screwed up. Because it turns out, I do not own a garbage disposal. "

" I was student council president in high school, and even in law school, I was vice-president of the student bar association. "

" I love Steven Wright. I was in high school in the '80s, and there was a lot of stand up on television. "

Demetri Martin

Love

School

" I think a lot of stuff I find funny is from day dreaming. "