Get QuoteDark Inspirational Quotes App

" Anybody who likes writing a book is an idiot. Because it's impossible; it's like having a homework assignment every stinking day until it's done. And by the time you get it in, it's done and you're sitting there reading it, and you realize the 12,000 things you didn't do. I mean, writing isn't fun. It's never been fun. "

Lewis Black

Day

Writing

Reading

Related Quotes:

" I watch some CNN and a lot of Fox, because it helps me get irritated. "

Lewis Black

Get

Some

" I think that many things that go on in an art school have a tendency to undermine confidence, and that shouldn't be part of the ballgame, ever. "

Lewis Black

Art

Many

" It's absolutely stupid that we live without an ozone layer. We have men, we've got rockets, we've got saran wrap - fix it! "

" The kids say golf taught them this and that. I get it with the military: A guy joins the military because he needs discipline and has to find himself. But don't tell me, 'Golf helps you find yourself.' I've been playing my whole life, and I'm still looking for myself. "

" One of the interesting things about comedy is it's tension release, and nothing creates tension faster than anger. "

" I'm constantly in fear of having a stroke. "

" When we anticipate, we're the happiest. Unless you're on antidepressants. The reason you take antidepressants is because you can't anticipate. You think everything's going to be horrible, so it usually is. "

" I've been very lucky. There are guys I know who are really terrific in this business of stand-up who have not gotten the recognition they deserve. And it's nice, if you've put in the time, to achieve that recognition. "

" I started playing golf when I was a kid, because across the street from where we lived there was a little nine-hole golf course where my father worked. "

" If I get a week off, I'll go to a hotel that has a golf course. I like to come downstairs and go right onto the course. I'll do that five days in a row. "

Lewis Black

Week

Right

" All the candy corn that was ever made was made in 1911. "

" Nobody in college races home and says, 'I can't wait to see the news! I can't wait to see who CBS is going to hire!' "

" You look at my audience, and it proves what Congress thinks America is, is wrong. I get people across the political spectrum. Parents and kids come and they're all punked out, and there are these other guys in John Deere caps. "

" I've got stuff about airline mergers, which just shows that my stand-up is getting more insane by the minute. "

Lewis Black

Just

Insane

" My touring has never stopped; from the time I started doing stand-up, I've been on the road. "

" I think one reason people play golf is it allows them to obsess about something other than the daily crap. It takes your mind off that. "

" The whole Valentine's thing is fine, but you don't back it up right next to the biggest gift-giving holiday of the year. Unbelievable. And we find it acceptable. "

" I'm amazed that anyone is interested in what I have to say. "

" Socialism appeals to me. It's like imposed Christianity. You've got to share. "

Lewis Black

Socialism

Got

" A father and two sons run Adelphia. It's a cable company. And they took from that company a billion dollars. A billion. Three people - three people took a billion dollars. What were they gonna do, start their own space program? 'Let's send the monkey to Mars, Dad!' "

" Saying that the Palestinian people aren't really a people - that's not a zany thing to say. That's a psychotic thing to say in the midst of all of the politics we live through on a daily basis. "

" And I know this happens because I took economics, and I'd explain it to ya, but I flunked that course. Not my fault. They taught it at 8 o'clock in the morning. And there is absolutely nothing you can learn out of one bloodshot eye. "

" I'm a selfish, little pig of a man. "

" The fine line that you do when you do political comedy is, as long as you have that laugh, you're fine. "

" I would like to play Pebble Beach at some point. I keep waiting for them to call and ask me to that little pro-am thing, but I'm not big enough. "

" I do the same gig. I might change it a little; I might slow it down if I'm in the South. I talk fast, and they're not used to people talking that fast. "

" I like coffee because it gives me the illusion that I might be awake. "

Lewis Black

Awake

Might

" What I've found in my career is that 70 to 75 percent of comics are nice and have some sense of social skills, but there are those who end up in comedy because they don't know how to socialize. I don't want to deal with that group. "

" I think comics in New York are interested in being comics. And there're comics in L.A. who are touring comics, who are certainly more interested in stand-up, but a lot of L.A. stand-ups are really looking to do something else. "

Lewis Black

New York

New

" I don't need politicians doing a 24-hour prayer with Oral Roberts to get our country back on track. "