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" The fine line that you do when you do political comedy is, as long as you have that laugh, you're fine. "
Lewis Black
Comedy
You
Political
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" I'm not a great joke writer, which is odd for a comic to say, but I'm not. "
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" I think the only reason you visit an Apple store is because you wonder what life is like on another planet. "
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" What I've found in my career is that 70 to 75 percent of comics are nice and have some sense of social skills, but there are those who end up in comedy because they don't know how to socialize. I don't want to deal with that group. "
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" My parents were married for sixty-five years, and I was married for about ten minutes, my first year at Yale Drama School. Something, somehow, didn't get passed on to my generation. "
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Parents
" Socialism appeals to me. It's like imposed Christianity. You've got to share. "
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Like
" If we're not going to tax the rich anymore, we're going to create class warfare. "
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Going
" The core of the American public, their hearts and their minds are in the right place. And that gives me hope. "
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Place
" I've got stress like anybody else, and it builds up during the day. Like, I'll be trying to do something on the computer, and I'll get stuck, so I go to the help section. And it just enrages me, because why even call it a help section at all? There's nothing in any way 'helpful' about it. "
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Nothing
Stress
Trying
" I started playing golf when I was a kid, because across the street from where we lived there was a little nine-hole golf course where my father worked. "
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Kid
Father
Street
" You look at my audience, and it proves what Congress thinks America is, is wrong. I get people across the political spectrum. Parents and kids come and they're all punked out, and there are these other guys in John Deere caps. "
Lewis Black
America
Parents
People
" I like my friends because they make me feel normal, even though I'm not. "
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Because
Friends
Like
" I don't understand how anybody's still a Democrat or a Republican. I don't know what they're basing it on. "
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Republican
Understand
Democrat
" If you're going to vote for somebody because you think they have a great faith in God, you'd better be sure that God has faith in them. "
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Faith
Vote
Think
" Stupidity really gets me going, when it's just plain stupid, obvious stupidity. "
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Me
Obvious
Stupid
" If you're working out in front of a mirror and watching your muscles grow, your ego has reached a point where it is now eating itself. That's why I believe there should be a psychiatrist at every health club, so that when they see you doing this, they will take you away for a little chat. "
Lewis Black
Believe
Ego
Health
" Democrats should be focused on which way we can help the most people in this country, and Republicans should be focused on how to do that in the most fiscally responsible manner possible. "
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People
Country
Help
" Nobody in college races home and says, 'I can't wait to see the news! I can't wait to see who CBS is going to hire!' "
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See
Wait
Nobody
" One of the interesting things about comedy is it's tension release, and nothing creates tension faster than anger. "
Lewis Black
Nothing
Interesting
Comedy
" I like college football, but I'm a huge college basketball fan. I could sit and watch every game of March Madness and be happy. That could be a vacation. "
Lewis Black
Football
Vacation
Happy
" I believe that summer is our time, a time for the people, and that no politician should be allowed to speak to us during the summer. They can start talking again after Labor Day. "
Lewis Black
People
Believe
Start
" And I know this happens because I took economics, and I'd explain it to ya, but I flunked that course. Not my fault. They taught it at 8 o'clock in the morning. And there is absolutely nothing you can learn out of one bloodshot eye. "
Lewis Black
Economics
You
Morning
" I watch some CNN and a lot of Fox, because it helps me get irritated. "
Lewis Black
Get
Some
Me
" You've got to be stupid to heckle me - I am very equipped to win. "
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Me
I Am
Got
" If you yell about one woman, you're not a misogynist. If I yell about Michelle Bachman, that doesn't make me a misogynist. If I compare all women to Michelle Bachman, then I'm a misogynist. "
Lewis Black
Woman
Women
Compare
" Political audiences are not fun. "
Lewis Black
Political
Fun
Audiences
" Republicans and Democrats can barely do what they're supposed to do, and they sure can't do math! "
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Math
Sure
Republicans
" You can never put too much pork in your mouth as far as I'm concerned. "
Lewis Black
Too Much
You
Never
" If the people of New Zealand want to be part of our world, I believe they should hop off their islands, and push 'em closer. "
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Push
Believe
I Believe
" I'm not a big birthday guy; I never have been. "
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Birthday
Been
Guy
" Anybody who likes writing a book is an idiot. Because it's impossible; it's like having a homework assignment every stinking day until it's done. And by the time you get it in, it's done and you're sitting there reading it, and you realize the 12,000 things you didn't do. I mean, writing isn't fun. It's never been fun. "
Lewis Black
Day
Writing
Reading