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" Homemade sweaters are always itchy. "
Mo Rocca
Itchy
Homemade
Always
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" When it comes to war, we focus more on the mainstream coverage of the event, rather than the event itself. People dying is never funny. Protest puppets are always funny. "
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" I bruise like a grape. "
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Like
" Something that came as a shock to me is that we do not have a constitutional right to vote. And that's not just a fun little historical factoid. It actually has huge ramifications. It's the reason our system is so decentralized - in other words, chaotic. "
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" Hypocrisy is great fodder for comedy. "
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" I was not a jock in high school. I know, you're shocked. "
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Know
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" It's one of my favorite things to do, watch TV and stretch. I'm so flexible. I can put my legs behind my head. I want to be the most flexible person in the world. "
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" I was way too hyperactive to study for long. I would freak out, then crash, then be too tired to read or write. I really should have had less sugar. "
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Way
" While some of my closest friends were jocks, it seemed that they spoke a different language with each other. Joining in their conversation was fraught with risk. "
Mo Rocca
Risk
Language
Friends
" Honestly we never lied to people about who we were. Usually the wackier interviews came to pass because the interview subjects, aware that we were Comedy Central, just wanted to get their stories out. "
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Comedy
Never
People
" I still don't know how to cook and that's just unacceptable. "
Mo Rocca
Know
Still
How
" I'm always working on a few different stories at once, so there's always some really big coffee table book I'm carrying around. "
Mo Rocca
Book
Coffee
Table
" No, no, no separate but equal... never the twain shall meet. And the pendulum kept swinging and it came to rest in the bastard hybrid known as the Daily Show. "
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Never
Show
Rest
" I can't be everything to everyone. Send me your specs. "
Mo Rocca
Send
Everything
Everyone
" I have a Keurig coffee maker, which is really kind of a luxury. It was given to me by an ex. I realized when I'm feeling sentimental, I'll gently, tenderly press the button. Then when I remember he dumped me, I punch it. "
Mo Rocca
Coffee
Luxury
Feeling
" Generally I get up at around 7. But oftentimes, I'll be lolling in bed a little bit earlier - sometimes as early as 5:45 - filing in my mind all the things I have to get done. Which is, of course, totally unproductive. "
Mo Rocca
Done
Bed
Mind
" Look, not embracing the 'Today' show is soooo yesterday. "
Mo Rocca
Embracing
Show
Today
" Christmas is a stocking stuffed with sugary goodness. "
Mo Rocca
Stocking
Goodness
Christmas
" If I had a time machine I would go back 30 years and show up at my grandmother's apartment before the gargantuan meals she would serve and I would help her. "
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Help
Back
Her
" Think of all that hard work our founding fathers put in - the revolutionizing, the three-fifths compromising, having to write the entire Constitution with a quill - and yet they neglected to include the right to vote. "
Mo Rocca
Vote
Hard Work
Right
" Politicians who wear little tennis socks with the balls at the back should not be taken seriously. "
Mo Rocca
Back
Who
Socks
" My sophomore year I spent exactly one day on the JV football team. It was the tryout day. "
Mo Rocca
Year
Team
One Day
" Digital television, satellite radio, videogames, iPods - so much media. Do books even matter anymore? "
Mo Rocca
Media
Matter
Television
" I am a kamikaze gadfly. "
Mo Rocca
I Am
Am
" Yes, I still love 'South Park,' but I also love morning TV now. "
Mo Rocca
Now
Morning
Love
" I mean, you're gonna be left behind if you don't appreciate the genius that is Meredith Vieira. "
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Behind
Mean
Appreciate
" If there's one thing that everyone can agree on, it's that, right or wrong, they hate the press. "
Mo Rocca
Hate
Right
Agree
" A young imagination is bold, likes to make bigger leaps. It likes to, well, imagine that the dustbuster is a dinosaur; that the computer mouse is a hotrod; that the box is a cave; that the rawhide is a torch... or a baton... or something. "
Mo Rocca
Dinosaur
Bold
Cave
" I'd rather call myself a mischief-maker, an imp, rather than a satirist. Satirist sounds so self important. Plus no one is calling himself an imp right now. It makes me feel special. "
Mo Rocca
Myself
Self
Me
" I know a lot about a few things - mostly useless things. "
Mo Rocca
Things
Useless
Few
" I wish I had played team sports. I think every kid should. Teamwork builds character - teaches people about leadership and cooperation. "
Mo Rocca
Kid
Team
Leadership